I enjoy living dangerously,

2009-07-19T16:53:00.001-07:00

The heat here in California sucks. :( What's worse is that my room is the hottest in the house, and I'm not really into spending time in the rest of the house. The ice cream never lasts more than a day and I can't drive myself to go get more. I'm always craving boba. :9 I spend my days playing video games or blogging on Tumblr.
Blogger, I've neglected you. I'm sowwy! :/

I feel bad that I abandoned my blogger. :(

2009-07-11T19:11:00.000-07:00

But I'm not sure I want to go back to it. :/

2009-05-25T14:17:00.001-07:00

I haven't blogged here in a long ass time. :( I promise to finish up the tour blogs eventually! ;D

Anaheim Tour, Day Three

2009-04-29T22:17:00.000-07:00

This day wasn't my favorite, but it became increasingly better as the day progressed. ;D

Sunday:
Okay, so I woke up at about 3:30 to brush my teeth, wash my face, and fix my hair before going to meet the guys at the fitness center. I left my room at about 4:10, just in case they weren't there yet. So, I tried my best to be silent as I shut my room door and went into the elevator.

Once I was on the second floor, I peeked through the little window that looks into the fitness center. I expected to see some familiar faces, but sadly it didn't happen that way. I saw some random guy just standing in there, not working out, but just standing there with his back to the door. o_O" So I backed away, and got back into an elevator. I couldn't really go back to my room because I'd surely get caught being outside. So I spam-called Shelton and Marc, but they were knocked out or something. Eventually Shelton picked up and kinda tried to talk me into going back to my room for some sleep. Didn't happen.

He got into the same elevator that I was camping in. Coincidence, no? His key couldn't open the fitness room, haha. xD I used mine, and it worked perfectly. The random scary guy wasn't there anymore, thank goodness. I had originally planned to work out on all the machines, but that didn't happen. Shelton tried to pick me up and force me on one, but HA. Nopeeee. Thinking heavy thoughts really does help. >;] Anyway, after that mess Gabe strolled in and didn't work out; he just suggested that we go for a swim instead.

The three of us went back to their room to go get Marc and some other people. So, they opened the door and walk in, while I had to "stay outside." While I sat in the open doorway, I saw Jake and Elijah in a deep sleep on the floor, Ronald barely waking up, and Marc trying to get dressed? And the whole time Marc's yelling something about waking up to porn on the tv. x] What a crazy room! I'm just sitting there, listening to all their guy talk and just hoping that none of the chaperones will wake up and find me. They finished getting ready, and we boarded an elevator. It felt weird because they were all in their boardshorts and what not, while I was in my tour jacket and jeans (looking janky as fuck, I might add). ;P

When we got there, it was still pretty dark outside and the water was still "fucking freezing." I sat down in a chaise, Shelton stood beside me, and the rest of the guys just stood around the pool. Gabe was the only brave one and went into the water first. He was in there for a while before anyone else dared to start wading in. Trust me, it took a long time. It was really awkward having to hear "AAAAAH, MY FUCKING BALLS!!!" every ten seconds, while being the only girl there. But whatever, I thought it was funny. At 5:56 me and Shelton went back into the lobby because he wanted to retrieve some lost items. Then we went back, and all the guys were in the hot tub. MAN SOUP! At first it was just them being calm, so I figured it would be okay to just sit in a nearby chaise and listen, y'know? But then they started talking about who had the biggest dick, and who was hard yet, and all that jazz. And they kept offering "some slow lovin'" to each other. x] Um, yeah. They would get out of the hot tub to jump in the cold pool water again, just to go back into the jacuzzi to warm up. -__-

Eventually, I grew tired of them and went to the cafe for breakfast. I planned on just getting a coffee, but then I remembered that I had a stupid clinic to go to. So I bought a salad and green tea instead, because I assumed it would fill me up for a few hours. Then I went back to the pool, and Leann was there. She was just kinda sitting around and not getting in the water, so I sat next to her and started eating my breakfast. We had a short talk, then she left to go find more people, I kept eating, and then she came back. Rockaela and Holly jumped into the pool with their pajama bottoms on, and started swimming. Silly kids.~

At seven thirty I went to my room to take a shower, but Rhealyn was still in the bathroom and Erika had called next so I was SOL. But being the brilliant child I am, I asked for Leann's room key and took a shower in her room. When I got out, I saw Rhoda sitting up in her bed, so I said hi. She kind of looked at me funny, but I just walked out. I went back to my room, blow dried my hair, and tried to fix myself up a little bit so I didn't look quite as crappy. Went downstairs, and saw Mark. He wanted something in the cafe, so I decided to just keep him company while he was in line. I ended up being the one to order, though. It was all good though, because he bought me a "blondie." ;9 I'm in love with those. Then we kinda just hung out in the lobby as we waited for the buses to come.

The buses came, but we still didn't leave for a while. I slept- again. I was always sleeping on that thing, even if the drive was only five or ten minutes long. The clinic was at the Mariott, which was across the street from the Hyatt, and we were still late. -___- We got there, and I was blinded by this hideous rug. Man, it was fucking ugly. It continued into the room where we were supposed to be playing in, too. UGH.

In the clinic, we rehearsed the "Berceuse" with Wind Ensemble, then we worked on the Holberg and "Of Glorious Plumage." The adjudicator guy was really nice, and he made us do that jumping up thing Paige does sometimes. And he's friends with Richard Meyer, which is the coolest thing he could've told us in my opinion. He even gave Paige Meyer's number, and now she's going to try to get him to visit the school next year. x] Overall, that clinic was basically spent reminding us about what Paige has been telling us about dynamics and using your bow. I did learn some things about tremolo playing, though.

Chamber finished and left Wind Ensemble to do their own clinic. We got back to the Hyatt, and Concert Strings was in front of their bus. I found Kim, and she gave back my shampoo and stuff that I forgot in their bathroom. Then she told me that I scared Rhoda, who didn't recognize me when I came out of their bathroom. x] Then I hugged Shelton, who was really, really warm. And then all the Concert people went to take a class picture, and then they boarded the bus. Me, Kevin, and Erika were standing outside waving to them and just kinda stood around for a bit. We wanted to completely see them off, so we planned to run after their bus for as far as we could. Miss Mooney stepped off the bus, and we realized that there were no more chaperones inside, so we ran in and people started cheering for us. x] I made a full circuit inside first, but then Kevin decided to throwdown a bus challenge that I just could not refuse. So what if he runs hella fast? I'm better at dodging things. I won~ (; (; (; We saw Miss Mooney coming back, so we ran out of the bus and she just smiled at the three of us. The bus started, and we ran after it, but it wasn't that far of a run.

Kevin decided to call David, Jon, and Tony to find out where they were. Then we walked about two blocks in the fucking heat to the Red Mango, and I instantly regretted not bringing my wallet. We kinda just lounged around, and then Kevin offered to pay for me. Oh yeah, mah brother! >x] So I got a green tea frozen yogurt with mochi. ;9 I was craving that for the longest time. Then we went to Ralph's to get a deck of cards, and it took us thirty minutes to find them even though they weren't all that far from the entrance. We left, and on the way back to the hotel we ended up stopping at Burger King because the guys were hungry. I didn't eat though. I played Mao with Tony and Cleve while I waited for the others to eat. Cleve does not understand the game- AT ALL. xD Then, as a large group, we went back to the hotel and Wind Ensemble still wasn't finished.

It was already past one, so we kinda gave up on going to Soup Plantation for lunch. Me and Erika just went to go hang out in Vivian's room, where a pillow fight took place. I wasn't in it, but I recorded it on Erika's camera for them! :3 Then we kinda just chilled, and I kept watching channel 43, that TV JAPAN channel that I just loved so much. I especially enjoyed the children's shows, where these darling little Asian children would dance while cute Asian boys would sing little kids' songs. I would do the dances and mimic their silly facial expressions, and Vivian looked at me like "What the hell? Who are you, I don't know you anymore!" x) So obviously, my inner child is hecka freaking Asian. ^-^ After that me and Erika went back to our room to "get ready" for Pirate Dinner, but I ended up just taking a nap while she talked with Rhealyn. I woke up to the sounds of the Holberg Suite- geez, I really wouldn't mind not hearing that song ever again. I still continued to lay on my side with my eyes open, but someone assumed I was still asleep and lobbed their phone at my stomach. I was already hungry, but that made my tummy feel worse. -__- I left the room with Erika, and then we made our way to the bus for that dang Pirate Dinner the Concert kids were raving about.

We got there after bus one, who all were assigned to be orange; we knew that already. I wondered what color bus two was assigned. I hoped for blue, because all the Concert girls were gushing about his "OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG HAWT BODYYYYY." I would've been down for purple too, because people were saying that he had some badass fighting skills. But then Piper's dad came onto our bus with the tickets, and he said that "four lucky winners" would get to be orange like the rest of bus one. Since me, Erika, Vivian, and Elizabeth were the first four people on the bus, we went on team orange while the rest of the bus went on to support the purple pirate.

We entered the building after buying our orange headband things, and there was a really big crowd of SCPA students just standing around, blocking the way to all the free appetizers! Dx The last thing I had to eat was frozen yogurt and some chips at the hotel, and then you're all gonna BLOCK MAH WAY?! >x| Taylor found us, and then she helped us push our way to some food. I'm glad that girl is assertive!

The five of us watched a little bit of the preshow, where that Pirate McGee guy was introducing the rest of the pirate crew. Red came out, and I thought he was scary. Then yellow came, and I was like, "Ew, that's Concert Strings' Pirate." x] Haha. Orange came, and he was this big, hulkish looking guy! I was excited to have some hardcore barbarian pirate, and I just assumed that he'd be the coolest one. B] We followed him into the dining area, where there were many candles, and I just couldn't live with that. So Vivian sighed, and moved the candle away from me and placed it on her opposite side. We were served some salad. Mmmmm, grass. ;D And then the waiter came to give us a pitcher of soda, and Vivian offered to pour it for us. But she failed and ended up spilling half of its contents. Good thing my plate was already empty by then. >;)

I continued watching the show. It was pretty good- very predictable, but I still enjoyed it. I liked the food too, even though there wasn't anything particularly amazing about it. I got the rice and shrimp, like the Asian I am. I wasn't even thinking about it, I was just like, "Yay, you guys have seafood! Now all you need is some rice!" And then the waiter goes, "Oh, don't worry. Rice comes with the shrimp." ^-^ Haha, that made my day. I finished everything pretty quick, though. I looked around and everyone was still eating, including Vivian, who was the only one during the whole trip whose appetite could compare to mine. The apple cobbler and ice cream was good, but I didn't want to eat it because it was plated so nicely. x3 The orange and purple sections were ridiculously louder than the other sections, even though the yellow team had a bunch of high school cheerleaders. They were too busy coming up with fancy cheers, when all they needed was a lot of "WHOOOO" and "OH YEEEAAH!" I actually think purple was the loudest, but orange had the most spirit. I kept standing up and sitting down to cheer, and our wave was craaazy. Too bad that Andre, our pirate, didn't win anything for us. Ironically, purple won pretty much everything. And I was this close to having the awesome, breakdancing, bo wielding purple pirate. :( I liked watching the gypsy girl, because she was so flexible and strong. ;O I didn't think that the blue pirate was all that cute (Concert kids lied! >:|), but I'll admit that he had nice abs. x) Reshil, Jem, and Megan Furonda were sitting to my right, and the whole time they were shouting things like "I'm eighteen!" and "You can have some of my booty, baby!". And whenever the captain threatened to kill the princess, they'd scream "KILL THAT BITCH, I HATE HER!" LAWL. xD

The dinner was over at about 8:30, and we went straight to the hotel. I went to the room to put away some stuff and then went to Vivian's room again. For the rest of the night, we tried prank calling loads of people. Mainly, we only had two scripts, and one especially customized for Jasmin Melendez. >;) She didn't get it though, because her stupid phone died. The funniest and funnest person we prank called was Eric Armstrong, because he went along with it. Even though he hung up on us, he'd still pick up when we called him again. xD We also tried to prank call Mr. Farson (but he changed his number or something so it didn't work), Mark, Sashary, Marc, Rockaela, Kim, Jane, Anna, Shenay, Chloe, and some Wind Ensemble kids. It was a hilarious night~

I left waaay after Erika did, at like 10:57. I had to run to my room in order to make it back for room check. It was all good, and I had loads of fun. (:

Anaheim Tour, Day Two

2009-04-23T23:26:00.000-07:00

I spent a good portion of this day with Shelton, haha. (:

Saturday: Heritage Music Festival, Wandering, and "Purchasing"
I woke up after not having some quality sleep, and changed into some jeans and my lavender scoop neck tee and packed my tour jacket into my bag. Ate Phad Thai noodles for breakfast, yum! Loaded the bus, I tripped over those blue cement blocks they having in the parking spaces, and we were off to Fullerton College.

We watched some random school's jazz band, but they had NOTHING on us. I mean, their music was lame, they looked like they were falling asleep, their bassist was struggling, and their overall sound failed to amaze me. I'm sure the adjudicator felt the same way, and I was listening to his critiques for them: don't be afraid to improvise a solo, be musical, yadayadayada. And then our jazz band came on, and he wasn't ready for the uber pwnage we brought to the stage. I love our Jazz Band, they make me so happy. Their songs just get me all smiling, and it's nice. I just knew they would kick butt! (:

After that, our group kinda split up and got lost on the way to and from the buses. For a while, it was me, Shelton, Erika, Leann, Robert, Chris, and Kevin. I don't know what happened, but the whole group was narrowed down to me, Shelton, and Chris. Soon after that though, Julian randomly finds us and kidnaps Chris saying, "Hey, you're coming with me because I'm lost!" So then me and Shelton were left to wander around aimlessly on our own for a while. I don't how long we were alone, or what we talked about, but it was enjoyable. I only remember that he was watching me drink my focus vitaminwater? Haha, I'm pretty sure that I dribbled on myself because of that. x3

Later on, I remember finding Leann and Chris again, and then we went on our merry way to Subway. Kim and Jon gave me crappy directions there, so we kind of had to guess at where the bridge they were talking about was. We had to cross the street, and I'm horrible at that. I always seem to attract cars, man! So Leann was like, "GET ON MAH BACK!" and I wasn't sure she was all that strong so I went on Shelton's back instead. I was still scared as hell, though. But now that I look back on it, it was a fun experience- kind of reminiscent of the "chocobo rides" Taejung gives me. x3 We made it to the other side, and we found Kim and Chans, who pointed us in the right direction.

We got to Subway, and Leann decided to split her sandwich with me and get another one for Erika and Kevin, who were at a sectional. We couldn't really make up our minds on what to get, so we kept telling the guy to "go wild." I think he was getting pissed off, since he already had to deal with a bunch of other crazy kids from our school. We ended up just picking whatever the first thing he offered us. x] Then we walked back to the viola sectional to deliver the sandwich, and Leann's half of our sandwich got all mangled and mine was hard to eat because there was sauce all over the place. It was all good, because that thing was delicious. I need to start eating there more often, instead of always getting Asian food. ;P I called Lani, told her I missed her, and kinda rambled about random shit. Then I went to the bus to change.

I love charter buses and their air conditioning; It was nice to have that while I changed! There were no other girls changing with me except for the cellos, so I thought I was late, but it turns out I was actually reeeaally early. Went back to the school's hang out area, and looked over my music. It took like, fucking twenty minutes for everyone else to get ready, when it took me like, five. Even the guys. -___-" Then everyone got to our area, and none of the festival workers came to tell us to warm up, so we only had about ten minutes to tune and such.

We rushed through tuning and got onstage. Freaking Concert Strings kids was grouped in this big mass of black and they started hardcore cheering for us. I heard my name called a couple of times, and it was pretty cool. B] Chamber Symphony performed Dvorak's "Scherzo" and "Bercuese and Finale." We all thought that the Dvorak sounded so freaking bad, and Paige was like, "Fuck, you guys that can't happen with the next one" in that angry whispering voice she does. x) Then we did the Berceuse, and it was beautiful. I liked that one. Then I went back into the warm up room to pick up my case and stuff.

I watched the cute little Concert kiddies with Ava. They're like, widdle babies playing their instruments! I loved them, they make me so proud, and I'm happy that some of them are gonna move up to the big kids' class! Elegy was bombin', I liked that one. I'm sure Danza was great, but I'm not really into slow music. Hatikvah, oh my gosh! It was so fucking intense! I remember gushing about it with Ava and her mom. It was that good. ;D I should've just went onstage and read with them. Oh well.

We had a break before just the Chamber Strings went on. Everyone was gone, so we had the theater to ourselves while we practiced. We were scared for our lives, because "Of Glorious Plumage" was NOT READY and we were unsure of where to repeat in the Holberg Suite. People returned at the last minute, and Plumage was first, and it was nearly perfect. ^-^ Okay, so like John Michael is always giving Kevin Kim crap about his violin playing. And then during Kevin's opening solo, they're sitting next to each other and JMB is just making these hilarious, oh-no-you-diiint faces. BAHAHAHA. xD We didn't mess up or lose the tempo, thank God. I really, really loved that piece. The Holberg Suite was great, but then again we've been playing that since the beginning of the year.

After we took pictures, we headed to the bus to change. They weren't open, though, so me and Erika grabbed our clothes to find a bathroom to change in, but those were closed too. We ended up changing behind this wall of cement, which was near the vending machines Kim, Mark, Rhoda, and Shelton were. Good thing we weren't seen. D; Then we hung out outside the buses, and people started messing with this grasshopper, and I ran away to the safety of the bus. Shelton coaxed me off the bus, so I got back out. All the buses had to stay a while longer because Edrian was still at McDonald's. -___- It was okay though, because we still got to Disneyland for the awards ceremony hecka early.

Disneyland!~ Man, do I love Disneyland. (; There were people around the tram, waiting to board, but then here comes all these wild SCPA kids who just run onto the tram. x] Whatever. So we get into the park, and then Kevin was all, "Oh man, we're at Disneyland. I just wanna jump!" I agreed, so we jumped together in the middle of Main Street, where all those lights are. :D We kept making these long arm-linked lines. That didn't last very long, because we got lost and separated. We joined the rest of the school, but we still couldn't go into the arena because of the fireworks show. :/ So me, Gabe, and Shelton dipped and started roaming around some stores. And you know what happens in giftshops when Gabe is around. ;) Haha. So he purchased some necklaces and stuff, and also walked out with a stuffed panda for me. I was gonna try to get some Mulan things, but they were ridiculously hard to find because everything was either Tinkerbell, Cinderella, or Sleeping Beauty. -___- Then we had to rush back to the awards ceremony, but there was a big holdup from all the people camping out to watch the fireworks. We had to walk at a fucking snail's pace, and Shelton and Gabe decided to hold my hands to make sure I didn't get lost in the crowd. It was considerate, I guess. I love those guys! ♥

We got back eventually, and our school was already inside. We watched the fireworks, and I kept smiling through the whole thing. DAMN, I LOVE FIREWORKS. Then we had the spiffy awards show thing, and- long story short- Chamber Strings won first place gold, and Concert Strings won second place gold. (: Our school also took the Orchestra sweepstakes and the Overall Sweepstakes awards. :D :D :D I swear, I thought I was going to lose my voice that night, and I kept jumping up to cheer on our school. It was fun. But don't talk to me about Wind Ensemble. I was completely disappointed. :[

We left for the tram again, and Chris Le was behind me, Shelton, and Gabe. He was calling, "Hey Kevin! Kevin!" to me, but obviously, I didn't respond. So then there was this thing where we decided that me and Kevin could pass off as twins. Yeah, and in all of that hubbub, my panda was named Kevin by Gabe. x] We got on the bus, headed to the hotel, and went straight to our rooms.

I called Shelton, but he wasn't answering. Then I called Kim for Marc's number, and called him to make sure that they were really going to the fitness center at 4:00 in the morning the next day. They swore they were serious about it, so I made plans for myself to meet them there. I got ready for bed last, and I kept the light on so I could finish "Absolute Boyfriend." I took a nap at the table, and woke up with a tweaking back at about 2:50AM. I moved to the floor again, and took another nap for about an hour.
^Remember that.

I miss Irvine to the max! ;(

Anaheim Tour, Day One

2009-04-22T17:05:00.000-07:00

Let's see how much of it I don't leave out.

Friday: "Are all the people in Irvine freaking bums?!"
I got to school ten minutes early to get my luggage to the music rooms, but they weren't even open. I left my shit outside and went to Farson's to drop off my essay and give some quick goodbyes to some people. Then went back to actually make sure my stuff was all squared away in the room before it was locked up and we had to rehearse.

Wind Ensemble was up practicing first, so and I was going to at least watch some of it but it was taking a long time to tune and get set up. I got bored and just left for martial arts, which was pretty cool. Mr. Sullivan wasn't there so we had a sub. Did lots of drills, even though it was only a minimum day, and it felt really good to workout nearly nonstop before leaving for Anaheim. I earned six or seven stamps for working out the whole day, I'm so happy. ^-^

Lunch was kinda spent just standing around and waiting for school to be let out, and I kinda just observed people. Haha, I don't why I do that sometimes, but I do. Said my goodbyes to Lani, and Erika felt compelled to take a picture. UGH. I looked homeless that day, not cute at all. >xP After lunch and after school, Chamber went into the Grand Theater to rehearse "Of Glorious Plumage" and "Berceuse and Finale." Honestly, we didn't get that much done there. We started loading buses and we didn't leave for a while.

We got to Anaheim, and then me and Erika went to 712 to check in and get settled. We left and went on a short "nature walk" to the past the pool and to the courts. Also, Tony and David joined us on an elevator ride. I pushed all those buttons, and I think I broke on of them. >;)

Soon the Concert Strings had to leave for their Pirate Dinner, while the advanced groups went to the Block at Orange. I almost got full off their free samples, geez. I had so much. Me, Erika, Taylor, Marcelina, Elizabeth, Vivian, and Tony decided to stop at the Red Dragon or Twin Dragon, whatever, and eat some food. The meals were about $8, but they were huge! And they were STILL giving us free samples when we walked in. Everyone except me and Vivian bought their own separate meal, while we just split a combo: Fried rice, chow mein noodles, wontons, soup, a small salad, kungpow chicken, and spicy tangy chicken. YUMMMM!~ Yeah, you know how we Asian people eat. ;9 She wouldn't let me split the payment though. :/ Everyone had to get boxes to keep their leftovers in. We kept walking around, stopping by B&BW and Starbucks. We didn't head into any clothing stores, and that made me a bit sad at the time but I'm glad that I didn't waste my time in one anyway. Some of us bought bracelets at a little jewelry stand in the middle of the mall, because me and Taylor were freaking out about getting some. I bought two bracelets with "Hope" and "Strength" written in Chinese characters. I was going to buy "Love," too, but Vivian said that it was written wrong so I didn't want it anymore. While we were there, there was this creepy old guy with an uber beer gut who was talking to Marcelina and Tony. Everyone else glanced over at them like, "Who the heck is that random guy?" We paid for our bracelets and then he started talking to Taylor and asking for money to spend on "dinner." He moved on to ask me and Vivian as well, and we tried to say "no" as politely as we could before we dipped.

We went into Borders after that encounter, where I finally found "Absolute Boyfriend" volume one and I bought it, along with "La Cordo d'Oro" volume one. I was so excited I found them, even though I missed some more free samples from the cafe they had. We were waiting for Tony and Marcelina to pay for their books, and then this other random guy comes over to our group and asks us for some change to pay for his bus ride. -______- We got scared and we speed walked away, out of that store. It was almost time to go, so we went to the bus and got there on time. We left, but bus one left and had to go back for David. x] Haha.

We got back to the hotel, and I was gonna workout some more, but the place was overcrowded with Concert Strings kids and that's not the type of atmosphere I like to work out in. I convinced Shelton to come walk around with me because I didn't want to be alone and I couldn't find Erika. We went to the pool, kind of talking on the way there, because I wanted to hang out by the glassy water. Sadly the pool was heavily occupied too, so we left. Shelton mentioned that Ronald brought his Wii, so I wanted to go to their room to play video games. :3 I changed and went to their room, even though they didn't have a chaperone yet. I kinda just sat in their doorway, and their room smelled like shit. >xP I almost wanted to leave. The chaperone came, and then I was finally allowed in. Rockaela, Holly, and some other Concert girls came in, too. I still can't play Brawl to save my life. D;

Room check rolled around, and then I got ready for bed. I was sleeping next to Erika, but then it got uber hot so I moved to the floor without a blanket. After about two hours the air conditioning turned on again and I started to freeze, so I had to go back to the bed.

Like I said I would.

2009-04-16T18:39:00.001-07:00

Today, I guess Deaj, Celine, and Mac were trying to convince Mr. Dyson that I am, in fact, Cambodian. I'm not really sure how it came up because I put my head down and I was actually doing my work. I heard someone call me and didn't want to get up, but I did after they called "CAMBODIA!!" three times. If I recall correctly,

Celine: Cambodia!
Deaj: Cambodia!
Mac: Cambodia!
Me: *raise head and turn around*
Mr. Dyson: Why'd you listen to that? You're not Cambodian... ?
Deaj: NO, she is Cambodian!
Mr. Dyson: No way, I thought you were full-Filipino.
Me: ... Why?
Mr. Dyson: Aren't you?
Me: I am SO Cambodian.
Mr. Dyson: But your mom is Filipino?
Me: My mom is confused. -______-
Celine: Yeah, she is! She pronounces white as "hwite."
Mr. Dyson: You know, I can check the system right now. *Leaves us to finish our work*

... And yeah, of course the school's records claim I'm Filipino. Oh well, it was worth a try. x)

I'm gonna die! D: D: D: D: D: D: D:
In Martial Arts, Mr. Sullivan made us do a heart pumping cardio workout. ^-^ I made it through, and I paid meticulous attention to doing the exercises correctly because I wanted to get the most out of the workout (Gotta fit the dress, gotta fit the dress, gotta fit the dress). After we finished Mr. Sullivan had us check our exercising heart-rate. He said a healthy heart-rate for people our age was about 150-170 bpm. Then he asked, "who had over 150?" and all hands went up. "Over 170?" I noted that only seven people, besides myself, in our class kept their hands up. "Dang! Over 190??" Only three were left: Amir, DJ, and I tied with 190. Those two are the highest ranks, the most powerful, and solid examples of physical fitness, yet my heart keeps up with theirs?! I don't know if that's good or bad, since it's not a healthy number and it means that I'm using nearly 100% of my heart power while I work out. D: Mr. Sullivan had to re-check my pulse to verify that I did it correctly, and he still got 190. He basically told me that I could've died. :0 But he also pointed out that even though the three of us didn't look fatigued, our hearts are also able to reach beating high levels without it killing us. Note that he didn't say it was healthy, but he also didn't say that was completely a bad scenario. I guess that's a plus. He did say that I had a very strong, rhythmed pulse. That's good. (:

He talked some more and gave another speech about resting heart rates, giving us a break and allowing our heart rates to return to normal. At this time, he told us that a normal resting heart rate is from 60-80 bpm. I checked mine, and I got 60 when I checked it myself. I kept the number in my head. Mr. Sullivan checked again, and told me 50?!? I started freaking out! That's not in the right range!!! FML. FML. FML! x[ Then he saw me having a little hyperventilating fit, and explained that it's good for healthy hearts to have slightly lower bpms. Lower bpms indicate a very healthy heart because the heart is still able to efficiently pump blood to the body at fewer time intervals. Compare this to an unhealthy heart, which has to beat more frequently in order to pump the same amount of blood through the veins. I'm healthy when it comes to being at rest. >;)

I stayed afterschool for Mulan. Heh. Mary's choreographing some stuff in order to convince Mr. Doyle that students can direct mainstages, too. I volunteered to help out, and I thought I was going to be around to influence more martial arts moves into the dances. But she tricked me! I got there, and she asked me if I could sing. O_o Fuck no, I haven't sang in years! And she asked me how many years of dance I've taken. Um, NONE. Wtf, she better not be considering me for Mulan. D: Then she made me actually learn the choreography to "I'll Make a Man Out of You," which involved bo staffs so we had to use the Martial Arts eskrima sticks. I was so lost, I can't learn choreography that well; it takes me a long time, and forget it so fast. >x3 At first, she had me working with this girl named Kim. Not my Kim, a different Kim. I kept tripping out over it. She modeled it for me, and it was so pretty and intense at the same time- picture a blend of Xianghua and Kilik from Soul Calibur. Then I did it. Horrible, and she used so much dance terminology to explain it. I felt cool when I learned one dance move, though. Then, since Vivian was just sitting around, Mary made her get involved: "Hey! Heidi and Vivian are really good friends, so why don't you two go and try to make up something and we'll tweek it a little later on?" BAHAHA. We learned the moves for the first part, and Vivian was my partner for it. (: It's cool, because it's a choreographed fight. Fun shit, no lie! I still have the song stuck in my head and I'm tempted to bust out my eskrima stick right now and practice it. :3 I would so try out for a part in this show, just gotta brush up on my wonderful vocals.~ >;]

Overall, today was a good day. <3

Sometimes, you just have to wait.

2009-04-14T17:10:00.000-07:00

I am, indeed, waiting for something.

Actually, there are multiple things that I'm looking forward to. Like the Anaheim Music Tour that's coming up THIS FRIDAY. It is finally here, and even though we're not completely ready, I firmly believe this will be a good trip. And I can't wait until I finally stat taking Driver's Ed, and I can't stop thinking about getting my license. Don't get me started on how much I'm yearning for my own car. OH MAN. ;D Simple, but I still fill with glee at the thought. Even some really silly (or stupid, depending on how you look at it) things can get me all animated. Take the upcoming installments of the "Kingdom Hearts" and "Final Fantasy" series. The thought of playing these games some day soon really gets me though my day/week/month/YEAR. If only I actually owned the gaming system these new games will be released on. Yes, I'm looking forward to getting said platform too. (:

There are also some things that I'm not looking forward to, but I'm waiting for them to happen, too. I still have some more belt stripes to earn before I can be eligible for red belt testing. The thing that upsets me is that I have to do these tests alone, when I'm really no good at martial arts at all. No help? Oh no! D: Another thing that's coming fast are the year end course finals. Everyone dreads them, and the last eight or so weeks of school are devoted to re-cramming loads of material back into lazy student minds. I hate the whole experience and how important it is that I do well. I know, I know! Geez. I hate how all of this feels like some unbreakable cycle, how I always slack off during this time of year and pull everything together at the very last minute. Always. I want to say that I'm counting down the days where I will finally be free of the California high school system, but that's not completely true.

Now with my presumptuous, over-confident, and know-it-all 16 year old mindset, the thing I'm most afraid of is growing up. Life after high school. Will I graduate with honors? Who will I become? Where do I go? What is the meaning of my life now?

I can't spend every second trying to prepare myself for the next minute. But some things are just plain inevitable, I'll have to remember that. And while I wait for things to unfold- both good and bad, predicted and unexpected- I'll try to live and love the present.

This is why I'm NOT done with my homework.

2009-04-12T13:43:00.000-07:00

http://www.asian-central.com/stuffasianpeoplelike/stuff-asian-people-like-full-list/

^^^ It's so true! And the rants on some of them are hilarious. x]
I mean, there are whole rants on Final Fantasy, having white skin, childhood beating stories, and not wearing shoes indoors. It's very, very accurate.

I shall blog laters, but I just had to share this with someone.~

Ah, sweet victory. ;3

2009-04-11T16:32:00.000-07:00

At long last, I have finished that goshdarn argumentative essay! ^-^

I keep on forgetting to blog about those spiffy Hong Kong pads, and I ended my period like 11 days ago. Probably more than that. I will eventually? And I think I'm going to be on it during tour, too. >:/ Meh. Let's see if Disneyland really is the "Happiest place on Earth," shall we? ;]

I'm not kyoot/cute/adorable/whatever you want to call it.

2009-04-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

Got my new glasses! The vision is a DREAM, except for the peripheral areas. :T And, like I knew it would, they don't make me look cool. You know how glasses can absolutely transform a person to look 1000 times cooler/smarter? Yeah, I'm not one of those people. But the glasses are cool for right now since my contacts aren't coming in until Monday or Tuesday. I missed the feeling of wearing these things on my face, though.
Me, in my natural habitat. Lol. x)

Uploaded another new picture of me being a computer whore-child as my default. Enjoy~

Wow, my first adventure in a long time.

2009-04-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

I finally did something productive with my break, geez. Had orchestra rehearsal today, and it was somewhat productive. Most of my section was missing though, but Jem and Reshil showed up eventually. :T My mom took my brother and sister to Chuck E. Cheese's, and I couldn't go because I chose to go to the rehearsal anyway. Even though I'm sure we sound better, I still don't think we sound all that good. And tour is in 9 days!

Mark and Lani kept calling me during the rehearsal, so I called Lani back and never got back to Mark. xP She said that she was going to walk to my house to give Piplup back. But I wasn't home yet, and I offered to give her the code to my garage even though I knew she probably would either forget it or just not use it. She didn't want to know it, oh well. Instead, she decided to walk the long way to my house while she waited for me to get home.

So I was home eventually, in my open garage looking for food in my other fridge, and my mom was yelling at me to get some yogurt or something, when Lani walks in. It was awkward, because she said hi, handed Piplup to me, said hi to my mom, and then turned to leave. My mom offered her a ride, which she declined, and then I walked out and told my mom that I was going to walk her back. I didn't ask for permission, I just went and she was okay with it. OH YEAH, I'm gaining some independence. Kaisser and Xyza came too though, because my mom wanted someone to walk back with me. So much for independence, right? xP

It took Lani 15 minutes to reach my house, but it took the four of us 25 minutes to get her back there. x) She climbed on her roof, even though I was opposed to the idea, and then started yelling at her dog, Skoobie. Xyza and Kaisser started throwing rocks at him and climbing over her fence to torture him. I couldn't even see over that fence and I had no idea of what was going on! ;~; All of them went over the fence at some point, except me. So Lani was like, "If you love me then you'd jump this fence. If you don't, I'll go kill myself." So I did jump the fence, and just kinda stood around. At first Skoobie was on the other side of her backyard just staring at me. But then, all of a sudden he starts running towards me and I freak out- a shriek and everything! I discovered that I can HELLA jump fences. Lolz. >;) Then Lani opened her front door and I asked her for chalk to write on her driveway. After searching for a while, I found a single stick of yellow chalk and I used it to write "5562~ Have fun! (:" on her driveway. They tortured her dog a bit more, and then we left to walk up the monstrous hill. D: At least I can say that I exercised over break. (:

I shouldn't be on here. I have APWH shit to do. Farewellz~

-3.25? I'm going blind!

2009-04-07T16:20:00.000-07:00

My eyesight is getting worse! D:

I went to the NEx optical to order some new glasses. At first, my mom was telling me that I had to keep my old frames with the new lenses because it's cheaper. So, when we get there I hand her my old frames and walk over to the displays anyway. I found a bunch of really cute glasses, including the above pair by Vera Wang, but they were all at least $100. >x3 I was in love with that specific design, too! They looked hella good on me. ;) I did find a pair that was only $40, and my mom ended up buying it because it wasn't too expensive, compared to my last pair that was priced at $149.99. She also bought me a new contact lens case, so I won't have to use the cheap plastic ones that come free with the rewetting drops. (:

My colored contact samples came in yesterday. I hated them; sample contacts always suck ass because they're so difficult to put in and they sting like a bitch. >xO The amethyst wasn't pretty at all in my eyes, which ended up just turning gray with them in. Honey was weird looking, because it was really close to my skin tone and had the slightest tint of orange. Orange eyes?! Nope, not for me. I decided on green, recommended by my mom, my dad, my sister, and the eye care technician from my eye appointment. They're not an overpowering green, but it is pretty dark. Kind of like this. But not really, because you'd have to see it in real life. It's not even obvious indoors, which I like. So I'm going to be walking around with green eyes for about a year. A green-eyed Asian, kekeke. ;D

I'm on my last pair of contacts right now. I only have one left in the box. ONE CONTACT, not one pair. A pair is supposed to last you about a month, and I've been wearing this one since the last day of February. They're only going to last me for this week, and my new contacts won't be coming in for another 7-10 days! D: I don't want to have to wear glasses during tour. OH NOEZ!

Heidi+glasses=not cute

Unless you have that kind of fetish, BAHAHA. >xD

Reflections and a book review. kind of.

2009-04-06T23:07:00.000-07:00

They say the person who knows you best is yourself.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not perfect, that I’m guilty of 99.99% of things I hate, and that I’m not even that nice of a person. Sometimes I try to psychoanalyze myself as to why this is so, but I never seem to find the one true reason that applies to me.

I was reading Just Listen by Sarah Dessen, just because my sister had it in her room. It was a good book, something that I thoroughly enjoyed. I’ll admit that while its plot was geared towards an 11-14 year old female audience, I found the book to be likable. But I don’t have the heart to say that I looooooved it to death or that I’d buy my own copy, because I couldn’t really relate to the storyline.

The protagonist, Annabel Greene, is a model that struggles with confrontation and doesn’t like to see people become angry. She lost her two best friends, witnessed her sister suffer from a serious eating disorder, and was raped. Instead of letting herself naturally vent out her feelings, she lets these secrets haunt her mind and prevent her from having any sort of social life. She lies in order to spare others from being upset. Owen Armstrong, the dangerous boy who was arrested for punching a guy in the face, befriends Annabel and encourages her to just be honest. Through music and discussions about telling the truth, the two try to patch up the trials in Annabel’s life.

Like Annabel, I don’t care to be the cause of problems. I don’t like seeing other people get upset, it triggers these involuntary maternal instincts to hold someone in my arms and comfort them. She only gives everyone a partial answer, holding things back. She’s not really a liar; she just tries to get away with revealing only the minimal amount of information needed to satisfy the question. Owen doesn’t think she’s a liar either, but instead calls her “nice.”

Owen reminded me of myself, because he’s always so brutally honest. Now I don’t proclaim to be the most honest person around, but I do follow the more honest path- at least, compared to a vast majority of scumbags on the earth. If you ask me something, I’ll give an answer. Heck, I’ll give you a straight answer without any of that beating around the bush crap. I’ll often be so specific with my answer that it’ll answer your next question, thereby killing all hope for a conversation. Ask for my opinion? You’ll get it. In the book, Owen was honest to the point where Annabel started feeling guilty for not being honest herself. I don’t think I’m honest to that extent, but I have been told that my honesty is intimidating, that lying to me makes them feel like they’re lying to their mother. I don't like knowing that I make someone uncomfortable either. :/

I’m not a nice person, and I still don’t know why. At least now I’m just a little bit closer to knowing the reason for this.

I've been dying to watch "Pocahontas"

2009-04-06T22:13:00.000-07:00

It's a great movie, dontcha think?

Went to Plaza Bonita today and saw a couple of people, but didn't say hi. They looked busy. I didn't buy anything either, because I'm trying to save the least bit I have towards tour- even though I plan on just jacking stuff from Disneyland. (:

I was in Borders, and I ventured towards the Anime/ Manga section rather than the usual Self-Help/ Philosophy place I usually go to. I saw this manga, "Absolute Boyfriend", and I would've bought it if I wasn't broke. ;~; I don't remember what it was about, but I remember fawning over the synopsis on the back and begging my brother to buy it for me. He bought the second volume of "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya", and I'm pretty happy about that. I like that series, too. :3

I've been having really good ideas for blogs, because I eventually want to stop blogging about the trivial things that happen in my life. I want to inspire people, to make them think. It would help if I wasn't just some 16 year old girl with no life. :/ But thought provoking blogs take a LOT of time, so I'm gonna have to really sit down and type my heart out to finish them~

SPRING BREAK 2009!~

2009-04-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, it's finally come around!

Finally, I learned how to play Snaps. x) Took me a while, but I know how to play now. Celine still doesn't get it, and I think it's the funniest thing in world because she'll be guessing random people and she's mostly wrong. In Spanish, Anna screamed "HEIDI STOP MOVING!" Haha. I kept looking at her for a reason why I should stop moving, and it took me a good five minutes to figure out that she was drawing me. x3 I find it really sad that me and Celine didn't finish coloring our maps in APWH today. I mean, COME ON! How hard is it to color a bunch of maps the exact same way as the illustration in the book?? ;P We played Mao at lunch, with my set of "asshole rules." >:) It was so funny, especially when I would play an Ace and we would skip Lani. Yet she still would play a card when it was her turn so it was freaking impossible for her win. Loser~ She shouldn't have sat next to me. xD And I can't believe no one except Shelton figured out the "HULKSMASH!" rule! It wasn't even that hard, I thought it was pretty obvious. There were waaaay more rules in my head, but I couldn't really keep track of all of them so I had to cut back and keep the ones I thought would help me win. I still didn't win- Anna did. Oh well. It was on the last game anyway, so she couldn't enforce any new rules. We finished up some NBB testing today in MA, and Chamber was spent on one movement in "Holberg's Suite." That was pretty much my school day. :3

After school I had to go pay for my tour jacket because I didn't do it at lunch. And then my mom came with my tour packet stuff and then I had to turn that in, too. Last night we had an argument about me being irresponsible/ "wild" when I'm around my friends/ a typical teenage girl, and she was strongly in favor of me being chaperoned while on tour because she was damn positive that I was going to sneak into Mark or some other guy's hotel room to go do it. Dx Eww, NO. I had a bunch of counter arguments to refute her points, but she was being so stubborn and she just said that she'd get my dad to look over everything. I think she was sure my dad would be against it too, but I looked at the paper today and my dad checked the box for "I do not want my child to be chaperoned." O_O Whoa, I wasn't expecting that. I talked to him and he said that it was because he trusts me and my taste in friends. Except, he's only said that about Mark and Lani, and he's only barely aware of Kim and Erika. But he loves Lani and he's talked to Mark before over the phone. He likes my friends; he calls them "good kids like me." :D I'm so happy I don't need a chaperone! ^-^

I'm not sure how I'm going to spend Spring Break. I noticed that I'm frequently making lists on this blog, so bear with me as I make another one to organize myself.

This weekend:
No plans. I'll probably just end up having to go to the mall with my brother and sister. As for Sunday, I think I have to go to church. :/

This Monday-Friday:
7:30AM| Wake up, get ready for another day.
8:00AM| Breakfast and early morning chores
9:00AM| Videogame of some sort...

Monday: Tales of Symphonia 2
Tuesday: Kingdom Hearts
Wednesday: Kingdom Hearts 2
Thursday: FFVII Dirge of Cerberus
Friday: FFX
(Saturday: FFX-2 or FFXII, but only if I'm desperate for something to do)

2:45PM| EAT!
3:00PM| Computer for homework and entertainment (:
8:00PM| EAT!
8:15PM| Pop in a Disney Movie
10:30PM| Shower and bedtime ritual
11:30PM| Continue reading Wuthering Heights
12:15AM| Quit reading; either play another video game or work on writing something amazing for Lani's letter
... Rinse and repeat

Next weekend:
Speed through housework, rush to go buy toiletries and other things for tour, a little packing, church, eat out at some restaurant.

And then we go back to school. UGH, I wish I was still a freshman; I don't wanna become a junior anytime soon.D;[

I'm fatally inconsistent.

2009-04-02T21:22:00.000-07:00

I like punching things; it makes my knuckles feel good and I like seeing that stripe of red skin around my knuckles. But I don't like hurting other people because it makes me feel really bad. Doesn't this sound conflicted to you? People don't believe me, and they always take me for some sadist even though I'm just a weakling. I am by no means a living weapon! :/

I've had "Boom Boom Boom Boom" stuck in my head all day. No lie. We were watching "Madagascar" in Spanish, so I decided to sleep. Only, I couldn't because I had that "whoa oh, whoa oh" part stuck in my head and it just. Wouldn't. LEAVE. During the logarithm test in fifth period I was completely confused on a lot of it, and I kept hearing "I want you in my room, let's spend the night together...". It's so bad. Never ever listen to '90s music the day before a test. Ironically, annoying bubblegum pop music is what I typically listen to while I work on essays and such. x] I don't know, I actually just tune them out anyway instead of listening. I think my mind recorded it, though, and forced me to play it back. Darn my love for chessy '90s music! It's so addicting.

//edit: I realize now, after listening to it AGAIN, that my heart beats in time with the song. Not with every 'BOOM', but pretty close. Especially the part that says, "I wanna go BOOM BOOM." My heart always goes BOOM BOOM perfectly with the song there. That's just the effect music has on me, I guess. :3

Today in Martial Arts, Mr. Sullivan decided to finally have Novice Black Belt testing for Sarah and Wil. And those goshdarn Freshman came in again! Go finish writing your essays and get your grade up, geez. Your mom grounded you for a reason, and getting a pass out of that class isn't helping you too much, hon'. Anyway, since me and Sarah are relatively the same height (I say "relatively" because I'm taller. Oh yeah! ^-^) Sullivan kept picking me to be the one to give her surprise headlocks. Unlike the time with Cristina, I was actually successful in both attempts at landing my flying headlocks. >:] The first one was a regular headlock, and I did a good job at "being realistic." YAAAAY~ The second time I just ran behind her and jumped to get some extra air before getting a hold of her neck. Mr. Sullivan was like, "WHOA! Heidi over here flying and doing jumping moves like a chola!" And then someone corrected him and said I was more like a "bro-ha"- whatever that is. I'm almost positive that I'd rather be compared to a chola. (/_- No, that wasn't the comparison I was going for; I wanted to look like some small Asian female ninja! :3 It was a good day, and I feel like I kind of redeemed myself for getting uber pwned during the last NBB test. Amir asked about Red Belt testing for me, Taejung, and Carlo, and now I know that next belt test is coming up in May. Next month. O_O Shit, I only have one stripe while the guys have three already! I really need to step it up!

On another note, Spring Break is less than 24 hours away! It's so close, now. And then tour is coming up in two weeks! I'm not too stoked on it anymore though, because there are just so many rules for it this year and it doesn't seem as if the ultra-epicness of last year is going to apply to us this year. I'm pretty darn sure my mom is going to demand that I be chaperoned, too. >x[ FML. I wish Concert Strings and Chamber could've been at Disneyland together, because that's what I was looking forward to the most. I mean, I wanted to go get Icees with Mark and buy shit I don't need with a BIG group! BUT NO, Concert has to go to Disneyland on a completely different day than us. That sucks a worthog's balls dry. -____-

Commas aren't my favorite punctuation mark, but they're the most prevalent in my writing. I like exclamation marks and the ~ sign, but neither are appropriate to use everywhere. :T

HAHA, sometimes I just have nothing to blog about. Sometimes I have a really good idea for a blog, like something higly philosophical or thought-provoking. But they all come to me at the most inopportune times or when I'm too busy doing something important to remember my awesome ideas. And then you, my lovely readers, are faced with this sort of utter crap when you log into Blogger and read your blog updates.

I listen to some fucking intense music sometimes.

2009-04-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

If you're alone and you need a friend
Someone to make you forget your problems
Just come along baby
Take my hand
I'll be your lover tonight

This is what I wanna do
Let's have some fun
What I want is me and you

Boom boom boom boom
I want you in my room
Let's spend the night together
From now until forever
Boom boom boom boom
I wanna go boom boom
Let's spend the night together
Together in my room~

HAHA, I can't stop listening to it. I just think it's really funny. x]

Don't mind me, I'm just weak in the knees- because you have that effect on me.

2009-04-01T17:56:00.000-07:00

Is there anything love cannot conquer?

For I, in all my meekness, believe I could kick over a good-sized tree because I just have so much adrenaline pumping- just because I'm so happy about feeling loved like this. My "I love you"s are no longer being denied, but are now actually being returned. And I'm the only one this applies to, because I'm that special. Yes, I believe in being loved with burning passions. ;) All of this completely offsets the bleak mindset I had for most of my day.

I remember one time during English in my freshman year, the student teacher told us to make a list of the different types of love. Friendship, romantic, natural, agape, and love for material items are the ones that I remember. Maybe because I'm guilty of all of them, right?

Tour jackets! Pt. II

2009-03-31T21:42:00.000-07:00

Best friend Mark has Concert Strings sixth period, and he said that the jacket guy came by to pick up the order forms. Hopefully, he hasn't picked up the ones for Chamber yet because no one's paid. I got a bunch of people suggesting that I put "Leyris Keilani Navidad Castillo" on my tour jacket, and I like that idea. Except, she'd probably flip out about it. >;D Um, so I guess I'm going with the whole "I ♥ Piplup!" deal. Oh well, at least it's true. ;P And at least it's not something too crazy, because Mark put "THE REAL GWEN STEFANI" on his. x] OOPS. He's gonna look at that next year and shake his head at himself, silly goose. Which is why I decided against the whole Cambodian thing for my jacket, because I'll laugh at my sophomore stupidity and never wear it. :T

And to expound on my previous blog, I have to say that I fucking love foreign products. YOU KNOW IT! ;)

My life just got 1,000,000 times cooler now.

2009-03-31T16:58:00.000-07:00

I got home, and my mom was surprises me with a plastic full of Japanese junk food straight from that kick-ass country itself! ^-^ Gawrsh, she has some pretty cool friends. These products include: cream biscuits, Meiji milk chocolate, these Pocky-type things that aren't really Pocky, and strawberry "fizzy" fruit chews. Her friend also gave some weird packets that look like those packages of sinigang powder that are supposed to be an instant meal. :T Doesn't sound too appealing but the picture on the front does look tasty. I don't think I can handle waiting for dinner at this rate. ;9
-- Wait, wait, wait. My mom's other friend is over here right now and she gave me this spiffy little purse thing. It's cute and it's in good shape, but she she said she didn't want it because "it's too girly" for her. SCORE!

Anyway, I haz stuffs to do. I'll probably find something to blog about later. I'll just add it to this entry. :/

edit//: This instant meal thing is fucking delicious and I couldn't restrain myself from those strawberry fruit chews. They're DAMN good. :D I'm saving the chocolate for tomorrow at lunch so Lani can have some too. ;P

Tour jackets!

2009-03-30T16:56:00.000-07:00

We finally have a t-shirt/ jacket design for our Anaheim tour jackets! It's a really cute lion holding an eight note and a simplified castle in the background, with "SDSCPA ANAHEIM TOUR 08-09" in a little cloud. I'm a sucker for cute things. (: The only problem is the embroidery; I'm not sure on what I want to put on my jacket. Like, it's probably going to be my o n l y tour jacket and I want it to be something superbly, mind-blowingly freaking awesomesauce. And I want your help.

heidi hxc
I'm Cambodian!
I ♥ Piplup!
heidi wuvs Piplup
heidi is a BAMF ( Bad Ass Mother Fucker!)
Pandas! Pandas!
heidi, oh yeah! (:

Decisions, decisions. I have until Friday to make a choice. Help me out, yeah? ;D

I have a massive, throbbing headache in the right side of my brain. Dx

2009-03-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

I got it at Mark's party- which was the funnest part of my day. (: I just got home!

First I went to the optometrist to update my contact lens prescription, and my brother came too. He had the hardest time trying to put in his contacts, and he's gonna go through HELL with those crapfaced trial lenses. My eyesight is slightly worse, but the doctor said that it was normal for teens to have worsening eyes. :/ I asked for colored contacts, and they're gonna send me some samples next week: green, amethyst, and honey. Green, because then I can be all Al-Bhed with those bad boys in my eyes. >;] Amethyst, because they didn't have pink and I want to look like some kick-ass anime character. And honey, because that's the color of Edward Cullen's eyes. ;D Then we went home and I did a bunch of cleaning and folding laundry.

I left the house for Mark's place at like, 2:30 and I got there and about 2:45 because we had to drop my sister off at choir practice first. When I got there, a bunch of people were outside, including Kim! I felt bad that I couldn't give her a ride there, but she came anyway. I ate, while the others were playing Brawl. And then Mark's mom forced us to do karaoke, and no one really wanted to do it but we all wanted to hear Kim sing. She was good, and people were confused on whether or not it was really her or if it was some really loud back-up singer. She left soon after that, though. Then Jasmin and Eve sang "Baby One More Time." x] And Anna sang! It was amazing; we all thought that she would have some soft, little kid voice but she sang like an adult. O_O We have it recorded, too. Mark had two cakes, and Juan caked him in the face! >x) We went back in and played Mario Karts, Soul Calibur IV, and Wii Fit. So, I still can't drive a kart for shit, I can only win against people playing as Xianghua/Heidi (the super cool character Mark made for me), and my new Wii Fit age is 17. It's all good though, because it's not supposed to be 17. I ate steak and rice right before I played it, so that was a big factor in making me gain a year. ;P I lost Soul Calibur to Mark, but he's a pro. And I lost to Sashary, who is a fucking n00b at the game! She didn't even know what to do and she still beat me! D: I almost beat Lani, kind of :T , and I beat Eve. At least I wasn't completely defeated, right? After that everyone played more Brawl before they got bored. Lani had to go to the bathroom, and she found out that the other light switch in Mark's bathroom triggers "romantic pink lighting." ;] LOLZ, it's so true.

We were stressing about participating in Earth hour, so we all crammed into Mark's little room and turned out the lights. Lani was trying to hack my phone's password and we kind of wrestled for it like we always do, but it wasn't too epic. And then, people started moving around and Lani bashed into my nose. It fucking hurt man, I'm not gonna lie. Usually I'm a complete masochist but this time my eyes starting watering and I got a headache. Instead of helping out with prank calls, I had to lie down. I seriously feel like I'm gonna have a black eye on the right side of my face. Hopefully it doesn't, but I had to take Alleve and get some ice so I'm not sure how I'm gonna be tomorrow morning for church. I was resting in Mark's room and watching Mulan, but then Lani's mom drove up and I had to leave.
Aww, the poor girl. She kept apologizing and saying "Oh, I feel so bad! I didn't mean it. Please tell me you're okay?" But I'm sure it'll be fine in the end. Her mom was cool, and she's still trying to pressure Lani into having a sleepover with me. :D It's probably not going to happen any time soon, though- if it ever happens. But it's cool. We got to my house and there was a bunch of cars in my driveway- WTF? I thought my parents decided to throw their own party, but it's actually this presentation for those Hong Kong pads that my mom's gonna start selling. Lani said sorry again, and I assured her that it was fine. We hugged, and we parted. I still have mad love for mai wifeey~

UGH. This headache sucks ass. Oh well, the day was great otherwise. ^-^

Aww, whut?

2009-03-27T15:59:00.000-07:00

My mom just interrupted my JAM SESSION!! Fuck man, you do not interrupt me from listening to SS5o1. >:[
My APWH Quiz^^
Chemistry went on as it would any other day. It was pretty unepic until the end of the period, when Mr. Dyson was talking to me, Denise, and JR. Dude, he was giving JR crap about having a girlfriend and how she probably "wears the pants in the relationship" and how love was for the weak, and other crap like that. But then, all of sudden Dyson confessed, "Y'know I shouldn't be giving you all this trouble about it, especially since I have one of my own." All three of us were like: o_O??? He told us that he's been with this woman for a couple weeks already, so that E-Harmony comment Chloe made yesterday must've hit him pretty hard. :/ It turns out that I didn't do too bad on the quiz yesterday, I got an 82%. Meh. I ditched fifth period, but I asked Celine to cover for me. Hopefully she did. :T We did another "Double-Expresso" workout! I love those, they're so fun! (; After that we just did a basic combination, and then the period ended. Mr. Sullivan kept all the girls back to give us a talk about not letting guys get away with making inappropriate comments around us.

"You know in society it is you, the women, to bear the burden and responsibility of bearing children. You ladies control reproduction. Imagine what it would be like if all the women in the world stopped and said, 'Hey, we're only going to have sex with men who have graduated from college with PhD's.' Right? You have lots of power here! And guys of this generation have thrown away many values. There used to be three things that one weren't supposed to discuss in public: religion, politics, and sex. Now, guys are making all these sexual innuendos around ladies like you to try to get your attention. Guys want to be liked by women... well a lot of them anyway. But that's impolite to do in public. Don't tolerate that kind of behavior and don't speak about it in public yourself. Save that kind of talk for when you're married to the right kind of man."

Heheh. I thought it was kind of funny, but he means well. After that I went to the lunch spot and waited for people to show up. Leah showed up too and we used her cards to play Mao. Kim won the first round, and she made up some random rule in the beginning of the game. Then I won the second game. MAN, I make up some pretty silly rules. Today, I enforced my "if you play a card of the club suit, you have to say 'let's groove tonight'" rule. >x] Ha, I'm a genius. In sixth period, we did more Double-Expresso work and some kicking drills. And this time, Mr. Sullivan told us about the history of Easter and then he explained the reason why school ends on a Monday. x) Seventh period came, and we got our tour packets and more people signed up for rooms. For a three-person room, me and Erika signed up and left the third space blank. Oh well, some random person can room with us- I don't really care too much since I won't be doing anything particularly exciting on tour. Me and Erika have organized our only plan for tour: I'm bringing my PS2 slim (because she has the fat kind) and she'll bring FFX and her memory card. And I told her about just filling my carry-on bag with food and using the suitcase for my clothes like you're supposed to.

I gave Lani a ride home today, and everything seems just peachy keen. ^-^ I don't know where all these good feelings were two months ago, but I'm happy that they're back now! <3>

OMG.

2009-03-26T15:31:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life, I have blanked out on a test.
I'm not talking about when you just don't know the material or when you didn't understand something. Today, in chemistry I was the first to turn in my homework packet, and then I went to study my notes for some last minute cramming. :3 Mr. Dyson gave the quiz out and I completed the vast majority of it, but I just forgot how to do number 7. Lucky number seven my ass. >:/ I spent a good ten minutes just staring at that one because I skipped it for last. I at least tried to attempt it, but then I got confused with what formula I was supposed to use and I got a really big number for an answer. So I tried to use a different formula, but then it turned out to be the completely wrong formula so I erased that, too. I ended up just drawing a face to answer the question. It was the most horrid feeling in the world. D: Now I know why people study.

On another note, I was ineligible for red belt skills testing today. I needed two stripes, but sadly I only had one from Stick Form so I couldn't test. Taejung and Carlo excluded me from their skills party. ;[ Now, I have to earn either my attendance stripe or Hwa-rang stripe first- and they've already passed Hwa-rang so I'll have to do that by myself. And then, when I'm finally eligible, I'll have to do my skills test alone. And then I'll probably fail it because I tend to work off Carlo's example. Aww, damn. And I wanted to get my red belt this year so badly. ;~;

I logged into my blogger today and I read this comment:

I thought it was the randomest thing ever, but I also thought it was the coolest thing in the world. Hey guys, I became blogging friends with a Cambodian! (: She called my blog cute and cool, and in a later comment she called my use of Khmer in my about me cute too. LOL. I feel so awesome. Like, how cool is it to get traffic from people on the other side of the world? It's pretty exciting, to say the least. Even though I pretty much copied and pasted my Khmer from a translator. I hope it makes at least a little sense. ^////^

Gosh, I'm starting to use some of the more nonmainstream smileys, arent I?

And, I love Leyris Keilani Navidad Castillo to the max!♥ I just had to throw that out there.~

"Hey Heidi, Holly says you look like Pikachu."

2009-03-25T17:10:00.001-07:00

So, I guess me and Kevin Lasquete could pass for brother and sister- or so I've been told. (x

I've gotten better at playing Mafia! We only played two games today, and I was a plain Jane commoner the first time. After that Leann was like, "Hey I wanna be in the Mafia with Heidi. I think that would be so fun." But the second time, we had two people in the Mafia: Me and Jasmin. We were on a fucking killing spree! I would randomly choose people to kill and she would just agree with me, but I knew it would seem like Jasmin was the more obvious gangsta. When we were voting on who we thought was the Mafia, towards the end I voted for Jasmin and then she died. >;] Then the bell rang and we couldn't really finish the game, but at least I leveled up in mah killing skillz!~

7th period, Chamber. Remember how pretty everyone thought "Pagodas" was? Chamber's playing "Of Glorious Plumage" by the same composer, Richerd Meyer. I loved "Pagodas" for its Asian sound, recurring themes, and the challenge it presented to me at the time. But I really like the "Plumage" because it's so much more intense. >:) pretty alright.

I can't stop picking up Piplup and taking deep inhalations of his scent. Oh gosh, I did it again. :3 It's weird. I'm weird. ;P

"WHATCHU GOT AGAINST CAMBODIAN PEOPLE?!"

2009-03-24T20:12:00.000-07:00

You guys! You guys!
Some people are confused. I was telling people about my Cambodian background in Chem., and they believed me. x) Especially Deaj, who's gonna start calling me "Cambodia" now because I turned around when she yelled it.

Deaj: CAMBODIA!
Me: *turns head*
Celine: LOLZ~
Deaj: WTF? Why'd you turn around?
Me: Because I thought you called me?!
Deaj: No forrealz, are you Cambodian? 'Cause I swear I've been thinking you were Filipino.
Me: Yeah.
Deaj: No, really.
Me: YES, really. My mom is the biggest FOB in the world. She speaks Khmai and she's from the Khmer tribe.
Deaj: Really?!
Me: Yes, Deaj. -_____-
Deaj: Wait... NUH-UH! Cambodian people have light skin, don't they?
Me: Yeah, some. That's so stereotypical, though.
Deaj: SO YOU'RE NOT CAMBODIAN!!!!!!!
Me: YES, I AM.~

Later...
Deaj: MR. DYSON! MR. DYSON! CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?!
Dyson: ... Is it appropriate?
Deaj: Well... uh, it's not bad. Aren't Cambodian people light-skinned?
Dyson: I don't know! Why would I know?
Deaj: Heidi says they're not light-skinned.
Dyson: Well, I know they're not bitter and----
Deaj: WHATCHU GOT AGAINST CAMBODIAN PEOPLE?!

This is gonna be my scandal of the year, I swear. x)

Three. Two. Three.

2009-03-23T19:30:00.000-07:00

Oh, my life= xD

This morning, while I was choosing my clothes, I realized that I could put together a few Lolita outfits. We should plan a Loli day. ;)

In English, me and Celine kind of just messed around on the Journalism computers; I was listening to some Korean music (Wondergirls and SS501 FTW!), and she was reading about how fat McDonalds can make you. D: Then Mr. Farson told us to get out of the lab to give other people a chance to work, so we went back to our seats and busted out our tupperwares full of Asian food! I brought Phad Thai and Celine had some good-smelling Korean food with rice. It was so, so good! But Farson made us put it away. :[ Sarah asked us "what we were", so Celine said she was Korean-Chinese. I lied and said I was Cambodian. x) Except, Celine's a bad liar so no one believed her at ALL. But I was making stuff as I went along like, "Yeah, my mom doesn't speak English well. She's of the Khmer tribe and she speaks Khmai. My dad speaks English though." Haha, she believed me. OMG, Y WUD U B3LEEV3Z DAT?! ;D Nothing of interest happened in APWH, but I got my CCOT essay back with a 5 on it. >:/ I'm getting worse on these essays, and that's just NOT gonna cut it. Then in 5th period, me and Celine were struggling to do the overhead assignment but we got it eventually. At lunch Mark taught us how to play Mafia. I was the first person to be the mafia, but I lost before the game even started because Lani saw me freak out about it on my face. >_< In 7th period, I auditioned for Chamber. :/ I'm not so confident that I made it in, because I didn't practice the Double Concerto. So, I ended up playing the Concerto in A minor again because I already had it down. :3 I played the EXACT SAME scales as I did last year, except I played it faster and louder with less mistakes. For the solo piece, she told me that I "wasn't playing aggressively enough." But she did say that my intonation was exceptionally good, and that I had lots of potential. Heck, that could mean anything! Aww, oh well. I could always re-audition, and I plan to. I wanna be in Chamber in next year so badly, so I can be Kim's stand partner again! And a lot of the cool kids are gonna be in there, so I wanna level up in coolness. :T

Tomorrow, I'm gonna super-speed through the Spanish work so I can get permission to go to MA. (:

I'm scared.

2009-03-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

I'm on my period.
I'm on my period.
I'm on my period.
I'm on my period.
I'm on my period.~

Okay. For the past week, I was looking forward to trying out those new pads but now I'm not so sure anymore. >:/

Goofing off.

2009-03-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

I'm in English. I'm supposed to be looking for sources for my argumentative essay, but I'm just here with Celine. (:
We're reading on fast food and how many calories are in McDonalds' salads and stuff. It's surprising. D:

Whoa, having a life can be cool.

2009-03-21T23:48:00.000-07:00

Today, my sister got braces. >x] Her mouth is so full and her teeth feel so tight. She's complaining about the pain, and I think it's funny. (I remember having nasty tasting wires and crap in my mouth, and I wasn't too bad about it. x]) While she was getting that done, me and my mom went to the doctor. FINALLY. We were sitting in the waiting room for an hour more than we needed to, because the doctor kept accepting walk-ins. We got called in, and then the doctor's assistant tells me that I wouldn't be able to get that goshdarn overdue blood test because I ate breakfast. -___- So I sat for an hour to get told that my test would be invalid. *sigh of frustration* I stayed anyway, because I wanted to know if I was healthy in general.

Now, I'm 5' 2 &1/4". Compare this to the 5' 1 &3/4" I was last year. ^-^
Now, I weigh 103 lbs, versus the 110 lbs I weighed last year for my fitness test. While playing Wii Fit @ Mark's, the game told me I weighed 105. I'm pretty sure it's all because of my MA addiction. :P
My heart beats more than it should in one minute, but not by much. I just gots a lotta love, man. ;]
I'm prescribed vitamins to help me sleep, while at the same time I'm told that my eyebags are genetic. >:/
I have more muscle than most girls my age.

Overall, I'm good to go on for years to come. (: After the doctor, my sister was done with her braces getting out on so we went to Yogurlicious because it was RIGHT THERE. I got Irish mint yogurt and topped it with while chocolate chips, cheesecake bits, cookie dough, and mochi! ;9 Then my parents drove us home and I folded ALL the laundry by myself because everyone else decided that they were all hungry. While they ate, I was rushing to get everything done before Lani came to my house so she wouldn't see all those unmentionables. I finished folding everything and putting stuff away, except for my sister's things because she promised that she would at least do that much. BUT NO. She wanted to go upstairs and change her clothes and left her undies out while Lani came in. So I yelled at her. Lani basically just camped out in my room the whole time and watched me clean. And then she started looking through all my bags for some "super secret stuff." Dude, she almost found my "box of personal things to keep forever and ever." D: She was like, "Hey, why is there a random Game of Life box under your bed?" And then I freaked out, picked the box up and ran into my brother's room to stash it in his closet. :] Lani came so close to it too; she was lying down next to it. Then she got bored and started to play my violin, while I organized my Chamber music. Then my mom calls us down because she wanted to drop us off early before she went to Bed Bath and Beyond. It took us 40 minutes, when freaking Kim told me that it would only be about 19-23 minutes.
Leann's party was really fun! When me and Lani got there, no one we knew was there. :[ So we were just sitting on the couch waiting for Leann to get back from shopping. When she got to her house, we went up to her room and I was looking at her bottles of body splash from B&BW. This one guy, Robert or something was there too and him and Leann were catching up on stuff while me, Kim, and Lani continued to look through Leann's trinkets and stuff.
AND THEN, THE FOOD CAME.
Haha! At first, I only at rice, adobo, and some other Filipino thing. But then I was still hungry so me and Kim started eating these wraps that we kept calling "sandwiches." x] I kept going back for more, too; they're just so tasty! Lani kept trying to throw water at me and Kim. :/ We went back inside, and found Leann's piano room and looked though her sheet music. Chans came, and then she started playing the piano because none of us were really using it. After a couple songs me, Kim and Miya left the room and went outside. On the way out though, I got another wrap. I think I had a total of eight wraps? >x] OMG, I'm gonna become obese. Anyway, I got some buffalo wings and chesecake too and then sat outside. We made our own girl group: me, Kim, Miya, Alisson, and then Victoria joined us after she was done eating. They started tanning and talking, until Chans and Lani came outside for lumpia. Pretty soon we sang to Leann, but there was n more room in the garage so we sang from outside. ;) Me and Kim (I swear, she was my party buddy or something! Haha.) went "group jumping" because we got bored with our SCPA group. We moved on to join the Eastlakers, but that was awkward because all we could talk about was the weather, school, and Leann's party. Then we went to the bowling people, and they were funny. We had lots of laughs over huddling up and our sentence game was fun even though there were really only five people actually playing. And then we went back to the Eastlake kids because they were gonna play Brawl. I played, but my non-Brawling skills made me lose. >:[
Lani found us, and then Erika found us, so then we basically had 4/5 from our original five from last year. We started talking about random shit, and they ate warm grapes. We found a pack of unopened playing cards, but we played Mao and Egyptian Ratslap anyway. Other people joined our games, but they usually didn't stay around long enough to finish it. Kim won most of the Mao games, and all of her made up rules were tame. I won twice, and man, I can come up with some BOMB-ASS rules. >;) Kim's arm was red because of my rule and Lani couldn't resist the urge to hurt Kim. Yeah, so my rule was: If you play any hearts, you must hit Kim! Haha. After 32,715,609,165 games Lani finally won. Except, no one wanted to play anymore so she couldn't enforce her rule. Then we had a loooong game of unfinished Ratslap because me and Lani had to leave. :T I'm gonna get some playing cards so we can complete that game. I wanna win. (;

Now, I can't wait for Mark's party! :D

Nostalgia.

2009-03-20T18:12:00.000-07:00

Single best night of my life:
While in the Philippines, my very frugal mother wasn't thinking when she only checked in for two rooms at some swanky hotel- one for the adults, another to house me, my brother, my sister, and our assload of cousins. It was the night before my family was going back to America, so us kids decided to have some good, clean fun. ;D We raided the fridge, damaged the furniture, ran rampant throughout the suite, obnoxiously cheered on Seto Kaiba while watching an episode of "Yu-gi-oh!" in Tagalog, made prank calls to my friends in America, danced the "Ocho-Ocho" amongst other suggestive Filipino dances, threw the little complimentary bars of hotel soap at each other and put a hole through the ceiling, played intense hide-and-seek, and had hardcore wrestling matches. The walls of that place must've been pretty thick if all our parents couldn't hear us. Unless they were all drunk. ;P

You've got to be kidding. /)_-

2009-03-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

This is ridiculous. The first time I played Wii Fit, it told me I was 29 years old. That same day, I ate exactly two potato chips and immediately tried again. That time I turned out to be perfectly 16 years old- spot on. (: But come on, I'm not healthy enough to physically be only 13.6 years old. 9_9

It makes me happy.

2009-03-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

"Oh, you're soo cute! You remind me of a Togepi or a Pikachu; you're so adorable!" -- Sajda.
"Wow, you did the first movements and I was like, 'Damn! She's actually really strong.'" -- Amir.
"Ooh girl, you're sneaky!" -- Mr. Farson
"Heidi! You have such nice hair. And we definitely need to go contact shopping together!" -- Taejung.
"Come on Heidi, jump on my back. I'll give you another piggyback ride like last year." -- Taejung.
"Omg, you like Korean guys, too?! They're so cute! And omg, the way they dress! And I loooooove how they sing! Don't you just love them?!" -- Celine.
"Heidi, you've really stepped up this year. You've been working hard, especially with coming in to work out in other periods. You're quite dedicated." -- Mr. Sullivan.
"B-but, I'm intimidated by your scary Chamber skills!" -- Rockaela.
"How was breakfast this morning?" -- Mac.
... and many, many "I love you"'s.

HA. This week was pretty rad. (:
Now, I just have to clean my room because my mom told me to. I can't wait for Leann's partayyy! ;]

Something's been on my mind the whole day,

2009-03-19T17:48:00.001-07:00

Are the makers of Dove chocolate the same people who make Dove soap?? -_____-'
Both use similar font things, so I imagine that they are.

Today, I returned to my classes after some good CaHSEE testing. The sub for Mr. Wager is absolutely horrible. He won't let me and Anna go to MA, he refused to let us see a movie, made us do work even though nobody had books, didn't let us eat, and was a complete asshole every time he addressed us. I just did my math homework and copied the assignment from Angelika, but he still was on the class's case about our noise level. And we have him tomorrow, again. >:[ I'm really thinking about just ditching that class tomorrow because there's really no point in going in while we have an incompetent sub. Fourth and fifth period were uneventful. We just did a lab in Dyson's and my group's water didn't boil! D: We got close enough, though. We used the Change of Base rule of Logarithms in Algebra, but nothing particularly interesting happened.
Guess who finally passed Stick Form? ;] I screwed up and froze during the first run, but I got to go again because I was the only one testing for it. Before I started it again though, Amir was like, "Whoa, that was really good. You did the first few movements and I was like, 'Damn! This girl is actually pretty strong.'" Haha, that made my day. ^-^ It surprised me that I could create so much whooshing air all by myself. Yeah it's great not being the lowest rank blue belt anymore, but I wish I had Carlo's mad Super-Saiyan-in-Real-Life-Big-Haired-Asian skills. He passed Hwa-rang after testing only once, and he was the first one of us to pass Stick Form- only it didn't take him nearly as many times at testing. I'm gonna ask him to teach me Hwa-rang because he's by far the best at explaining hyongs to me.
Afterschool I saw Rockaela and she came up to me and Erika, saying that she wasn't gonna make it in Chamber and was basically being completely unconfident in herself. Really kids, it's not that bad. At least John Michael isn't going to be judging you- in addition to Paige. And since he's graduating, she wants to promote people into Chamber to "train them up." She figures that while having one JMB is great, a class full of Jon Dukes' is better. x] So, that's what she's shooting for. And one more year in concert isn't that bad, it's supposed to prepare you for Chamber anyway. Leann made it into Chamber, and I'm happy about that. I don't know about Mark, though, so I'll have to call him later. I wish all the prospective Chamber kids from Concert would just make it, so we could have one really intense group next year.! :D
Crazy stuff.

I'm in luff.

2009-03-18T16:47:00.000-07:00

You know, that level in between like and love? ;]
I'm not too sure on what we are now or where we're going, but I know that I like it. I know that I want to pursue this, and I know that it could be something great in my life. It's in the awkward stage right now though, and I don't like it. Before, we were butting heads, then we got to know each other, and then we became comfortable with each other.
But I don't want comfort. I want passion. I want obvious reminders of affection and love. I want to know for sure that I'm getting as much as I'm putting in.
And I'm sorry if that doesn't work for you.

Stars.

2009-03-17T17:26:00.001-07:00

I was born at 10:26 PM, with the night sky above me. It’s too bad that I couldn’t see it because I was too busy baby-bawling beneath the hospital’s hideous florescent lighting. No matter how bright these lights were to my new eyes, I imagine that the stars were a thousand times more brilliant the night I came into the world.
I wish I could’ve seen them, with their twinkling beauty contrasting against the pitch of black of night. I wish I didn’t have to use lights and lamps to fight the darkness. I wish I had the stars to guide me, to wish on, and to just gaze at. I wish that the stars would fill me with their light, and make me sparkle.

People read this shit?!

2009-03-17T16:16:00.000-07:00

So people were like, "Yeah, I read you're blog." They said they found it interesting, and someone (I forget who :T) called it "minty fresh." Haha, I'm not too sure on what that means, but I'm guessing that it's good?

I aim to please. Upon some self-reflection, I've realized that everything I do is usually for someone else, or at least their amusement. But hey it's cool to have an audience, I guess; even if this was originally supposed to be for me only. :P

Today consisted of some CaHSEE testing! It was pretty fun sitting next to Mac, Chealsie, and Rachelle. Mac was kinda being a jerk the whole time, but a nice, teasing jerk. Those are the only kinds I tolerate. When I was done with the first part of the multiple choice and the prompt, I busted out with my garlic rice+bacon+eggs. Its smell filled the room, and people turned to me and saw my massive meal. Kevin Belisario was like, "DANG! YOUS A BEAST!!" 0_0 Well yeah, I have the appetite of a male college student. >xD And the super greasy meal was my mother's attempt at helping me re-gain some weight, but it was okay. I don' t really like bacon or eggs, but anythings tastes good to me while I'm in a testing environment. :/ Crisila busted out her corned beef and rice, and the room's smell changed. Everyone was like, "OOOOOOH GIRL, YOU EAT CAT FOOD?!" BAHAHAHA. x] It really did smell like catfood, especially after we warmed it in Swain's microwave. I finished the second part of the English test super early- I mean really early, like in 20 minutes early. I tried to get out of just sitting there by going to Martial Arts, but Meyer wouldn't let me. :/ So I just slept, using my bag was a large pillow and cuddling Piplup. <3 >:D

I stayed after school today for "some test practice." My mom wanted me to clarify on which test, but I didn't so I could make it up later. I was really only planning on staying to hang out while Lani did her tech-ninja thing, but I ended up doing shit with her and Christian, too. WTF? Gosh darn my urges to help out. Anyway, I have decided that I am not meant to do Technical Theater- AT ALL.
After school I

accidentally dripped paint onto the plexi-glass while painting something that was supposed to become a window.
used the completely wrong painting technique. How was I supposed to know to make "figure 8's" with the paintbrush instead of using straight strokes? Christian had to teach me how to move my wrist in the correct motion.
failed to be ninja. While I was painting, Blokker asked if I was someone else, and then after Lani denied it Blokker made his way in front of me and got a good look at me. Luckily, he either didn't care or didn't realize that I'm not enrolled in any of his tech classes.
tip-toed to help me reach the higher parts that needed painting. I dripped white paint into my hair. Eff my life.
did not clean a paintbrush properly. I failed the cleanliness examination done by this one lady. I think she's Blokker's girlfriend. My old violin teacher is her sister. Whoa, hopefully she didn't recognize me.
cut myself with one of those plastic things you pour paint into. Yeah, those rectangle things. How I did it? I don't know.
after cutting myself with said paint-thing, I started peeling the yellow paint and left it in the sink. Lani started washing one filled with brown paint next to me. I ended up clogging the sink, which was filled with turd colored water. Christian and some kid had to clean it up.
splintered my hand while carrying a flat. When I tried to help out with another one, the bottom piece of wood broke off.

Yeeeaah. I'm not cut out for that life, but it was fun. It definitely was an adventure, and now I know that I should never ever try to take the class.

So what did YOU learn today? ^-^

"You do the F-word, then you have fun, and you can make a friend!"

2009-03-16T21:39:00.000-07:00

I swear, I never thought I'd like sophomore year.

But I'm pretty good at it, if I do say so myself. (; Today, Mr. Farson loved my argumentative essay's proposal on musical censorship. I finished a pack of thin mints in the first twenty minutes of class though, and I was hella hungry. He was grading papers right in front of me, so I couldn't just eat like I normally would. I just grabbed my shit and sat behind Celine and stayed there for mostly the rest of the period without him noticing that I was gone. When he did, he just told me to go back but I didn't go. Me, Celine, Sarah, and Erika ended up talking about my mom's FOBness, our essay topics, and how I'm becoming more in touch with "my black side." LOL. ;D

APWH is freaking easy! The quiz material isn't hard to memorize, especially since Pompilio tells us what to study in advance anyway. Prospective AP students, all you have to do is ask and I'll give you my crap from this year. (: Today, I started early on the quiz and just kept laughing with Celine. We watched CNN Millenium, and there were so many adorable little Asian kids saying the Pledge of Allegiance! We kept making snarky comments and everything, and I learned that both me and Celine have an affinity for Korean guys! ^-^ They're just so HAWT. Mmmm, and yummy too. >;] Haha, just kidding. Like I would know; Pfft.

In Pope's class we did more with the Product, Quotient, and Power rules of logarithms. Whoa, that sounded so smart! xD I plan on getting better with my homework in that class, so me and Celine have decided to split up the homework there like we do in APWH. So, for one of the more complicated problems, Pope told us to factor. "OH NOEZ! THE F-WORD!" D: People panicked a little, but he just said "Oh no, it's fun!" :] And as a final answer, we had a fraction- or "friend." Wow, we're all really lame for freaking out about it. 'Twas easy.

Chamber is wack when no one's doing anything. I was just on Erika's iphone messing with Brian Apostle. >;D It was so much fun, because he thought I was answering as Erika. He wanted to know what she would do if he asked her out and kept harrassing her for an answer, so I wrote "It means I think you're sexy and I like you. ;)" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ZOMG, hilarious. And then he got all flustered when he couldn't figure out if I was kidding or not. So I ungracefully changed the subject by asking "if train A is coming at train B at 76 mph and train b hasn't left the station yet, how many crayons are in the crayon box??" |D He guessed 17. WRONG. He hasn't really responded back, so IDK what's going on now. I'll bet Erika's having one hell of a texting conversation. >x]

And there was no Chamber afterschool, because we're all a bunch of undedicated kids. So me and Erika stayed after to enjoy the outside air, but I ended up calling Lani. She though I was going to forget about being preganant to our coming son, Larry, but I'd never! With the amount of food I eat in a day, he's gonna come out to be 22 pounds. I BEAST MY FOOD, and I have the appetite of a male college student. I eat like, 6000 calories a day. I'm unhealthy, but at least I can still not get too fat. I'm not growing, though. :/

Tomorrow's the CaHSEE! Easy days!~ (:

Tell me,

2009-03-15T23:52:00.001-07:00

Why do teachers love me so much?!

Zangle, gotta love that thing. So, Mr. Farson stopped being dumb and decided that I have earned an A, so now I have an A. (: Mr. Wager fucking loves me. Of course I have an A in Spanish. And Pompilio is a dumbbutt. I haven't done any scored discussions since the first grading period of first semester, and she's still giving me 95% on all of those assignments. x] Haha, sucks for anyone else who isn't getting good treatment. I'm convinced she's playing favorites. I think she loves me because I got a 6 and 7 on our very first essays, while everyone else was confused and only got 2's and 3's. Either that, or she loves me for introducing her to Sinigang. :P Oh, and why do I have 100% in Mr. Dyson's class?? :O

I'm pro at this whole school-thing. ^-^

Two girls.

2009-03-15T23:05:00.000-07:00

She couldn't glance behind her. She couldn't see what was behind the other girl without having to move, and even that didn't allow her to see anything beyond the female obstacle; when she moved, the other girl would move, too. And as hard as she tried to get a look behind her, she made no progress. Not even a little.

It wasn't always like that. Before, the first girl was always wandering, just letting her feet propel her forward with no destination in mind. She was always walking but was never headed anywhere. Sure, she pretended to have somewhere to be. Yeah, sometimes she found a path she could follow for a while. But she knew she was lost, without anyone to guide her, and without anywhere to turn to.

Once in a while she crossed paths with someone who would join her. They walked side by side, and together they ambled aimlessly. It was never an unwelcome change; on the contrary, she enjoyed having a traveling companion to talk to and share stories with. When she was especially lucky, a few people would choose to go for a stroll with her. Oh, how she loved this experience! But as pleasurable as their company was, it never seemed to stay that way. Her "friends" never seemed to stay.

This hurt her. It hurt her to have developed bonds with people who so easily severed them and distanced themselves away from her. Each time she hoped that she found someone who would stay forever, and each time she was disappointed. Was there something wrong with her? Was she not interesting enough? Pretty enough? Did she say the wrong things? What was so off about her that caused people to want to get away? Maybe there was something wrong with her. Maybe these people all saw the same thing: this girl was completely crazy! She'd divert from trails after being on them for a short time, and then randomly decide to follow them again. She'd walk barefoot on the sizzling desert sands, and preferred to slide across the icy lands with only socks on her feet. She made no sense.

Maybe her expectations were too high. She would always hope to find someone that would willingly skip through fields of flowers with her. She wanted someone who wouldn't push her in a bad direction, nor did she want someone content to follow her from behind. This girl wanted a person who would always be there to accompany her through the walk, no matter how long it took or how boring it was. In the end, she was willing to get hurt in the process of finding this person, so long as she was successful in her search.

And so she went along her way. Sometimes she'd shuffle across the grass. Other times she felt the need to sprint, kicking up clouds of dust and dirt behind her. Eventually she learned to almost expect new acquaintances to leave after a short time. Sometimes she was refreshingly surprised by how long some people could endure being in her presence. Still, she embraced the different peoples' place in her life and she never turned them away.

She walked. Most of the time she did have company, but sometimes she couldn't help feeling alone. Every person was different, and she learned to love them all. One day as she marched on with some people she had grown accustomed to she ungracefully collided with another girl, who was closely examining a tall flower before she was unexpectedly jostled. The first girl apologized, and the other accepted and made some sarcastic comment. She was smiling though, showing that she meant no evil in it. This confused the first girl, and compelled her to know more. More conversation ensued between the two, and a close bond developed. The traveling party increased by one, and everyone was delighted by the new addition. She was accepted and loved, especially by the first girl.

Their friendship was strong, and both felt genuinely elated with the other around. Both were sparkling with laughter constantly radiating from them. Simple things like the sun and weird shaped clouds amazed them, bringing them to laughter every time, sometimes to the point where one would keel over and fall to the ground. However this was never a problem because she was always helped to her feet by the friend. As a pair they were unstoppable, and the relationship was predicted to last forever.

One day, this pattern was interrupted. Without a word, the new girl skipped forward and turned to face the first girl, obscuring her vision. She tried to ask for an explanation for this sudden bizarre behavior, but she received none. In fact, she received no response to anything. It was as if her friend was just there- not there to brighten her life anymore, but was more like the only thing she could see. When one girl moved, the other would perfectly mirror her movements. They couldn't see past each other, they couldn't get past each other.

They undoubtedly were still connected. Both still felt an immense amount of love for the other. So, what was the problem? More importantly, how do they get past this?

Yeah guys, I'm asking you.

MAMA GOT HER HURR DID! ;]

2009-03-14T16:10:00.000-07:00

I went to get my hair cut, after it's been about three months since I've seen the salon. I asked for the "magazine with the Korean girls on it" and Auntie Vangie knew exactly what I was talking about. She's cool when she's not being a FOB. Anyway, so she gives it to me and I flip through as I try to find a good cut for me. I kept asking Kaisser for his opinion, but he was being a jackass and saying that every single one wouldn't look good on me because I was darker than the girls in the pictures, and that my hair wasn't nice curled. :[ WHATEVAAAH. I ended up picking something good anyway, and Xyza liked the one I chose for her, too. ^-^ Man, do I have good taste in hair. I also got this spiffy cellophane treatment to make my hair shiny, but I don't really know if it worked because I can't see it. It was basically a nice-smelling shampoo wash, then weird leave-in cream, and UV light shone on my hair, that's it. But it was worth it, because it was pretty relaxing. Man, I need to get than done more often! And then I went back in the chair to get Part 2 of my haircut, and this other FOB lady who I've never seen in my life before came up to me and started speaking in Tagalog to me. 0_e I didn't even know she was talking to me, so I wasn't looking at her at all. Auntie Vangie had to spin the chair around and tell her that I was "Engrish speaking" (I'm not even kidding, she said Engrish. I have never heard someone say it like that before. xD). Then the lady asked me if I was on my period, and the conversation went basically as follows:

Lady: "Ah, my dear! Do you have period?"
Me: "Uh, do I have my period? Like right now?"
Lady: "No, no. Uh, are uh... do you have the monthly period? Have you started the menstrual cycle yet?"
Me: "Well, yeah..." :T
Lady: "So you wear pads, ha? You know, the pads here in the States leak. They leak. And then, they stinks after your bloods go on it. But this one (*pulls out weird pad*) does not stink. Here, you smell! And it will not leak. The one you using, it leaks. But this one will not leak. Even if you will wear for one whole day, no leaks. You do not have to change it after you put it on."
Me: "... Ew." (Like hecks I'm gonna wear a pad the whole day! Freaking gross! x[ )
Lady: "You know, my husband uses this pad, too." ;)
Me: WTF, sex change?!
Lady: "Yes, when he has the back pain, he takes this pad and rubs it on the hurting spot! This pad has herbal ingredients in it so it will not stink and it will absorb everything. It is good."
Me: "Is this new? What brand is this?"
Lady: "No, no brand. This pad is not in the States yet. It is from Korea. It is illegal in America."

And that is what absolutely broke the deal for me. Someone else started talking to her and obviously didn't care about what she would be putting under her vag, because she bascially bought a year's worth of those foreign pads. I just sat there and watch my hair get snipped away some more, and viola! Nice hair. I really, really like it. (: I went to the mall, too. But I only bought some facial wash and body spray. I'm no good saving things.
I had quite a few epiphanies this weekend, but (in the words of Mr. Sullivan) that's a story for another day. ;D

Simple;

2009-03-13T22:59:00.000-07:00

Today, a bunch of people told me they liked my little kid dress. (: But Leann said it made me look sophisticated? x] I don't get it.
I'm pretty confident in my grades for this grading period. I could possibly have a 4.2 now, but only if Pope decides that I have earned an A instead of that HIGH D he's been kidding me with. So now I don't have to worry about getting an appeal slip sign or any of that jazz. ^-^ On a similar note, my Chamber audition is this coming Friday, and I'm the fifth one to go. Miss Paige told us that we didn't have to do up to five sharps/flats anymore, just up to four! Oh hecks yeah, because now I have a chance. I just have to nail my audition piece. :D
I think I have a an affinity for ditching now. Or perhaps it's merely a penchant for MA. But still, whenever I'm sitting through class the only thing on my mind is me practicing Stick Form perfectly and getting a stripe. It's crazy. It's sad. I'm a mess, but life's alright anyway.

A small thought from today.

2009-03-13T14:35:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm too demanding. Maybe I'm overthinking things. Maybe I should be more passive, just letting everything come together on its own.

I miss the person I was a year ago. :/

The drawbacks of having fre$hman friends.

2009-03-12T18:42:00.000-07:00

Today in Martial Arts we had some good ol' novice black belt testing for Jeremy and Cristina, who apparently has lots of freshman friends. So they came in to watch. Yes, "they," meaning the little Asian freshmen with uncontrollable laughter, short attention spans, and video game obsessions. And all of them just chose to camp out in the back except Anna, because she's cool and can hang in sixth period even though she already had MA once that day. She's a lil' riduh`. :]

That's not even the point of this, but I'm going to beat around the bush some more first.

Last year I wasn't the only freshman in my 5th period MA class, but I was the only one who was willing to get dressed and work out every single day. Being a n00b in the advanced class is no fun when you're the youngest and everyone else is years older, is of a higher rank, and thinks you're just some loser freshman with no talent in anything. I'm pretty sure a bunch of them thought I was annoying because I was younger and obviously had the same uncontrollable laughter, short attention span, and random nerdy references coming out of my mouth as the ninth grade kiddies who came in today. But I lived with it, and eventually I guess I started getting more serious? x] So this year, even though I was disappointed when I turned out to be enrolled in 6th period MA, I was happy that I wasn't the youngest anymore, that I at least outranked somebody- even if it was just some ignorant freshman. >;] And besides, some of the older people were familiar faces from last year, so they knew what to expect from me.

But I still escape to 5th period for workouts every now and then, and there's a big difference between 5th period and 6th period. Despite the fact that both classes do the same drills and practice the same level kicks, the 5th period class feels like a beginning class because of all the laughter. It's not that I'm opposed to fun during working out (because working out=fun in my book), but there's a lot of snickering and "OHMAHGAWD!!!!!!!!!1"s while Sullivan is explaining things. On the other hand, 6th period tends to be more serious and tentative. We do the drills, and I find that my classmates have better technique than the students in fifth period. Maybe I'm biased, but I also believe that this is because my older peers are more competent and have the drive to practice for longer periods of time. I'm convinced that freshman are easily distracted. Like, WHAT THE HECK IS SO AMUSING?!

So today, as the band of small Asian ninth graders sat in the back for the test, I was half-watching the test and half-observing them. They either had a blank, apathetic, amazed, or 0_0 expression while watching Cristina and Jeremy exemplify their hardcore skills. At some point Jane Ly decided to whip out her phone and record everything to remember Cristina's performance.

Close to the end of the test, Sullivan called up Lily, Sarah, Miranda, and I to feed her prompts. ME?! WTF?! I can't go up against her!! He assigns me to give a front kick->tackle combination, but COME ON! I knew it wasn't going to work, and Cristina proved to be good at anticipating tackles because Mr. Sullivan told all of us to incorporate a tackle with our attacks. I was last so everyone definitely remembered me. I kinda just walked up, bowed, and stood there for a couple of seconds to gather my thoughts and hope that I would come close to being successful. I tried to throw a fast and sloppy front kick to distract her from my incoming tackle, but she was too prepared for it. I couldn't even get my arms around her. D: I kept going for it though, but she did something and the "fight" ended up on the mat. I don't even know, dude. She mounted me, hit the the mat with an onslaught of strikes to symbolize the barrage of attacks she would unleash on me (should I have actually posed a threat), and stood up victorious. When I found the light again, I was on my side facing the laughing line of freshman, with Jane's phone aimed at me. I tried to get up calmly and with dignity, but everyone was still chuckling from the image of me getting uber pwned. I admit, it must have been quite the spectacle. >xD

I know exactly where that video is going to end up. I want to remember it forever. I have mad love for Jane Ly now. ^-^

Change

2009-03-11T15:08:00.000-07:00

Change. We claim a need for it, yet find adversity as the process of change occurs. When the change has taken place, we are not satisfied and yearn for yet another change to fix the imperfections we find in it.
I find that to be sort of sad. That's not to say that I don't succumb to the same thinking, but I definitely don't like it.
I admit it: I hate change. I don't understand why things can't just be perfect for everyone, everywhere. Why can't people just accept life as it is? What happened to human race's ability to adapt? SERIOUSLY. It's like all of us are a bunch of dumb, indecisive complainers. Gosh, people can be such freaking buttheads. However, I do understand that change is part of life, that shifting our lives' priorities and perspectives can yield beautiful things.~
But sometimes, the process of change forces us to make sacrifices- sometimes causing immense pain. Change takes us out of our comfort zones and pressures us to modify something about ourselves, when we would much rather hold on to what is familiar.
For me, I have put a hold on buying video games in order to divide my money towards more clothes and saving up some cash for the upcoming Anaheim tour. Video games versus shopping? A tough choice for me, but hey, my more feminine side kicked in on that one after I bought three games in a matter of two weeks. xP
On another note, personal relationships have changed. I've slowly been realizing who matters to me, who doesn't matter at all, who I need to reconnect with, who I want to keep around, and who seriously need to have a talk with. However, I've also been making an effort to be sensitive to how others feel; now I have a faint idea of who loves me, who hates me, who makes time for me, who wants me around forever, and who has outgrown me as a friend. With this, the only thing left to do is take action. To make a change.
It's easy not to do anything. It's often more convenient sit and hope that things will fix themselves. But wouldn't it be better if we moved towards our goals, our ideals- even if it means getting hurt in the process?

Oh noez.

2009-03-11T14:36:00.000-07:00

I should really see a doctor. I've been really tired lately, I can't sleep at night, I'm always cold, I hate these intense and unending cravings for random foods, and I lost like, 6 pounds this past week from doing nothing out of the ordinary.
What the heck, man? Where is this sudden unhealthiness coming from!? I'm not doing anything wrong, I swear! D:
But I have been trying to combat it. Coffee and tea to energize myself, with stretching regularly to help blood flow throughout my body. And I've been striving to sit up straighter to achieve the same effect. I got Piplup back yesterday, so I should be able to sleep better (if I actually had time for it). I've been dressing appropriately, with more than a few layers just in case I forget how cold 65 degree weather is. I carry candy and junk food in my super over sized bag to munch on during class, and sometimes I don't even wait until lunch to eat my rice and stuff.
Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I should stick to having a bedtime instead of secretly playing FFX for the Nth time at night. Maybe I should just invest in a good jacket instead of cardigans. I should chew gum to trick my stomach into thinking that I'm eating. Maybe I should really stop going into so many Martials Arts periods to work out. :P
But what if... I have something wrong with me? Like what if it's another blood problem again? What if I go to the doctor and she tells me that I'm depressed and recommends a therapist? AGAIN? Maybe that will convince me that there's something wrong with me. I think I need help.

FML, I hate making schedules.

2009-03-10T19:43:00.000-07:00

Sophomore year is utter crap, and I can't fight the urge to blog. It keeps my thoughts in order.

Things to do: Now- Tomorrow Morning!
Now-10:30| "Meiji Restoration" Change Analysis and "Taiping Rebellion" Conflict Analysis
10:40-11:10| Shower and other pre-bedtime rituals
11:15-1:00AM| APWH Readers
1:00-4:00| Fun time= Play FFX! ^-^
4:05-5:30| Overdue math homework
5:35-6:35| Get ready for school and eaaat. :D
6:35-6:55| Print out APWH shit.
7:00-7:10| Ride to school
7:15-8:54| First period, Farson's ramblings. Hole punch AWPH shit and finish anything that needs finishing.

*Sigh*. I can't keep living like this.

Beyond the Edge

2009-03-09T19:30:00.000-07:00

I'm dancing along the boundaries, dangerously teetering and just waiting to fall.
I wonder what lies beyond the edge. What could possibly exist beyond it, below it? What will I find if and when I become too reckless and can't stop myself from tumbling into its dark mouth? Will I find peace and happiness, or will I meet my demise?
It's a shame that I'm no dancer, for I'm sure I can pass off as someone who has been studying the art for years. But I'm only making pretty lines with my body; I'm mesmerizing and enchanting all who care to watch, distracting them from the fact that I'm about to leap into the unknown.
The edge, it calls to me. It's seductive, drawing me to it and I inch closer and closer. I like balancing on one leg right on the lips of the boundaries, fighting for stability and threatening to slip as others look on. I love this feeling. I like knowing that I'm playing with chance. I enjoy living dangerously.
I just hope if I stumble into the endless chasm beyond the edge, someone will be at the bottom to catch me.

Grab your shoes, love.

2009-03-07T14:20:00.000-08:00

Pack your bags, or leave everything behind. It doesn't matter to me. Just grab your shoes and head out the door. Take my hand, we're going for a walk tonight. Now, we're off. This is the start of our adventure, our story. Every step will bring us closer to each other. Each stride brings our journey to a close. We don't know where we're going, but we'll go until the end.
People will cross our paths. They'll critique and encourage. They'll ignore and interact. Maybe some will join our party, but they might not stay forever. But I hope you will always be at my side as we traverse this life-long path. Keep in mind that I'll always be walking- maybe not on the same path, but only a few paces away. We walk with the same movements, the same momentum. You and I were meant to saunter through life together.
I bring no bags, no burdens. I've put everything behind me. I've got nothing but my shoes and I'm ready for anything. I'm off. I'm starting on this adventure, this story. You're with me, with a good pair of shoes on your feet and your fingers embracing mine. There is nothing but love between us, and we're moving forward. We don't know where we're going, but we're going to make it. I love you with everything I've got.

2009-02-16T14:39:00.000-08:00

I hardly think things matter anymore. I'm so confused. I'm coming so close to ending everything, but will that really do any good? I'm in pain, and I've hurt others at the same time. This isn't good for any of us, but leaving is just taking the easy way out and it would'nt be a good solution, either. I wish I never got so into this, but I love so deeply and I think they're sincere when they say "i love you, too." They're incredibly hard to live with, but I believe they'll be worth everything, even this. It can't get much worse than this, I don't think.

2009-02-12T19:50:00.000-08:00

Today hurt- a lot. Nothing will ever be able to take any of it away, no matter how much I'm told that it will get better. I'm not saying I'll still have these doubts. But still, I will always remember this pain, no matter how much I wish I never had to encounter it in the first place. Also, I guess I won't be able to rid myself of the deep inadequacy I tend to feel, either. It doesn't make sense for me to feel this strongly or to care this much, but I do anyway. I have no doubt in my mind that I will. Only this time, I will try very, very hard not to just assume things. I'm going to calm myself and think logically, and hopefully my emotions don't drive me to do anything stupid or reckless before I get even that far. I will tackle things straight on. It's a lot better that way. I'm always going to love anyway, so I might as well just suck it up, and make the effort to be the one who salvages everything. We've come too far to just give up. ♥

2009-02-08T17:27:00.000-08:00

There's some financial adviser here at my house, and he's advising my parents to sell our other house. And he suggested that we move somewhere else if we decide to sell the one we're living in now. :[ But I looooove this house. And I like my life the way it is. Exactly the way it is.

Science Olympiad!

2009-02-07T18:48:00.000-08:00

I woke up at 4:30am because Kim had to pick me up early for Science Olympiad in case we got lost- which we did, because Kim had her dad on the wrong freeway and we ended up in freaking Carlsbad/ Encinitas, when the competition is in Rancho Bernardo. x] Not coooooool. It was really cold and dark out, too! It would've been a whole lot better if it was held in May or something, so then we could have driven there without rain and maybe see the sunrise. That always makes me happy. (: When we actually got there, David said we "had a table", but there was nothing there except for Mr. Welander and some plastic bags. All the other schools came so prepared, and some even had camping tents to combat the rain. We, on the other hand, were lame looking and camped out on the floor beside some lockers. And we studied for about two hours before everyone got bored and left to watch other things. Well, eveyone else was studying. I was doing APWH homework. ^-^ Fun, fun, fun. We got hungry, so me and Kim went on an adventure to look for a concessions stand of some sort and followed random signs that read "Are you hungry?" and stuff. :D It was exciting, and got lost doing that, too. We were talking to Lani at the same time, and I have dtermined that she is IN LOVE with Kim, and just simply loves me (but like family). The silly girl didn't know the difference between being in love and simply loving someone, so I had to explain it to her. Then we talked for a long time about nothing. I invited to some spiffy Valentine's Day restaurant thing, so we could chill, get out of the house, and maybe discuss some things? I don't know. But now I have a total of three things to explain to her: 1) Why Sedusa is my faaavorite PPG villian. 2) Why I'm such a big freaking hypocrite when it comes to her safety versus my safety. And finally, 3) Why hearing her real dad's voicemail made me tear up. A lot. It wasn't even my problem to begin with, but know I don't think her idea of me talking to him is such a good idea anymore, especially since her mom thinks she's "on the wrong path." So I believe it's best to just let Lani deal with it herself. I think we were on the phone for a really long time, because all of a sudden Reshil goes, "Hey, who are you even talking to?!" I guess I was loud or cussing a lot or something. After like, two hours of talking, it was time for our stupid Physics Lab. So, me and Kim walked in all scared, and we a had a good reason to be. That multiple choice test was bad. BAD. We guessed a lot. The experiment part wasn't so hard though, because it required some creative thinking and that's what our school is absolutely pro at. ;D All the other schools were quiet, dilligently working, and really into their work. They probably thought we were complete idiots with spastic laughing problems. Oh well. They're just a bunch of squares. Even if some of them were cute, ;] hahahaha! Lani said that I should find a nice boy for Kim, and for myself too. But then I was like, "NOOOOOOOO! What about our son, Larry?!" And then she just shut up about it because she wasn't able to dig herself out of that hole. Then our team got really hungry, while the school nest to us had salads and boxes and boxes of pizza. Savory, sweet-smelling pizza! Me, Kim, Jade, and Kevin had our mouths watering after their chaperones walked by. The four of us complained for a bit, but me and Kim took the less scenic route to the consessions stand to get for for ourselves. However, my premature maternal instincts kicked in and I decided to just buy two whole pizzas for the team instead of being selfish and getting stuff for ourselves alone. WE SAVED THE DAY! (: After the team ate, David ditched us to go flirt with some girl, Kim read Picture Bride, I slept a bit, and the remainder of people played "Pictionary." I think Rhealyn and Mr. Welander won, but I don't know the rules so I'm not really sure. We were out there in the cold and wet for two or three hours , while that ditcher David was in a warm room with that girl. Way to go, Captain. And then, we went to our little awards ceremony thing, which was boring and completely useless to go to. None of placed at all, and they didn't even tell us if we came close! >:[ Torrey Pines, Carmel Mtn, Rancho Bernardo, and UC did really well. There was a school sitting in the stands across from us who seemed to have done just as bad as we did, but then out of nowhere David's little girlfriend gets and award for whatever, and our whole team got even more disappointed. It's alllll good though, because now we've simply set a standard for ourselves to beat next year. I think I'll do Biology Lab and Chem Lab next year. Maybe, if we get more organized and motivated to do well. I thought it was a good experience, though. Definitely a day to remember. (:

2009-02-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

So, stupid xanga has failed me- AGAIN.