They say the person who knows you best is yourself.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not perfect, that I’m guilty of 99.99% of things I hate, and that I’m not even that nice of a person. Sometimes I try to psychoanalyze myself as to why this is so, but I never seem to find the one true reason that applies to me.
I was reading Just Listen by Sarah Dessen, just because my sister had it in her room. It was a good book, something that I thoroughly enjoyed. I’ll admit that while its plot was geared towards an 11-14 year old female audience, I found the book to be likable. But I don’t have the heart to say that I looooooved it to death or that I’d buy my own copy, because I couldn’t really relate to the storyline.
The protagonist, Annabel Greene, is a model that struggles with confrontation and doesn’t like to see people become angry. She lost her two best friends, witnessed her sister suffer from a serious eating disorder, and was raped. Instead of letting herself naturally vent out her feelings, she lets these secrets haunt her mind and prevent her from having any sort of social life. She lies in order to spare others from being upset. Owen Armstrong, the dangerous boy who was arrested for punching a guy in the face, befriends Annabel and encourages her to just be honest. Through music and discussions about telling the truth, the two try to patch up the trials in Annabel’s life.
Like Annabel, I don’t care to be the cause of problems. I don’t like seeing other people get upset, it triggers these involuntary maternal instincts to hold someone in my arms and comfort them. She only gives everyone a partial answer, holding things back. She’s not really a liar; she just tries to get away with revealing only the minimal amount of information needed to satisfy the question. Owen doesn’t think she’s a liar either, but instead calls her “nice.”
Owen reminded me of myself, because he’s always so brutally honest. Now I don’t proclaim to be the most honest person around, but I do follow the more honest path- at least, compared to a vast majority of scumbags on the earth. If you ask me something, I’ll give an answer. Heck, I’ll give you a straight answer without any of that beating around the bush crap. I’ll often be so specific with my answer that it’ll answer your next question, thereby killing all hope for a conversation. Ask for my opinion? You’ll get it. In the book, Owen was honest to the point where Annabel started feeling guilty for not being honest herself. I don’t think I’m honest to that extent, but I have been told that my honesty is intimidating, that lying to me makes them feel like they’re lying to their mother. I don't like knowing that I make someone uncomfortable either. :/
I’m not a nice person, and I still don’t know why. At least now I’m just a little bit closer to knowing the reason for this.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not perfect, that I’m guilty of 99.99% of things I hate, and that I’m not even that nice of a person. Sometimes I try to psychoanalyze myself as to why this is so, but I never seem to find the one true reason that applies to me.
I was reading Just Listen by Sarah Dessen, just because my sister had it in her room. It was a good book, something that I thoroughly enjoyed. I’ll admit that while its plot was geared towards an 11-14 year old female audience, I found the book to be likable. But I don’t have the heart to say that I looooooved it to death or that I’d buy my own copy, because I couldn’t really relate to the storyline.
The protagonist, Annabel Greene, is a model that struggles with confrontation and doesn’t like to see people become angry. She lost her two best friends, witnessed her sister suffer from a serious eating disorder, and was raped. Instead of letting herself naturally vent out her feelings, she lets these secrets haunt her mind and prevent her from having any sort of social life. She lies in order to spare others from being upset. Owen Armstrong, the dangerous boy who was arrested for punching a guy in the face, befriends Annabel and encourages her to just be honest. Through music and discussions about telling the truth, the two try to patch up the trials in Annabel’s life.
Like Annabel, I don’t care to be the cause of problems. I don’t like seeing other people get upset, it triggers these involuntary maternal instincts to hold someone in my arms and comfort them. She only gives everyone a partial answer, holding things back. She’s not really a liar; she just tries to get away with revealing only the minimal amount of information needed to satisfy the question. Owen doesn’t think she’s a liar either, but instead calls her “nice.”
Owen reminded me of myself, because he’s always so brutally honest. Now I don’t proclaim to be the most honest person around, but I do follow the more honest path- at least, compared to a vast majority of scumbags on the earth. If you ask me something, I’ll give an answer. Heck, I’ll give you a straight answer without any of that beating around the bush crap. I’ll often be so specific with my answer that it’ll answer your next question, thereby killing all hope for a conversation. Ask for my opinion? You’ll get it. In the book, Owen was honest to the point where Annabel started feeling guilty for not being honest herself. I don’t think I’m honest to that extent, but I have been told that my honesty is intimidating, that lying to me makes them feel like they’re lying to their mother. I don't like knowing that I make someone uncomfortable either. :/
I’m not a nice person, and I still don’t know why. At least now I’m just a little bit closer to knowing the reason for this.
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